


Second Chances

by chaosgroupie



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluffy, Hallmark Romance, No Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25662844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaosgroupie/pseuds/chaosgroupie
Summary: Bucky and Laurel are high school sweethearts who break up when he joins the army. This is the story about what happens seventeen years after that day.I wanted to write a Hallmark-esque romance, so there's no sex (sorry). It's just a fluffy romantic story with a bit of angst. It was inspired by the song What Can I Say by Carrie Underwood, the chorus specifically.And you should know, please believe meI've picked up the phone a thousand timesAnd tried to dial your number, but it's been so longIt's never easy, it's like tryin' to spin the world the other wayWhat can I say?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s), Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 17
Kudos: 22





	1. Loss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you remember where you were on 9/11? I was a senior in high school, going into my first class of the day (I lived in southern California). My teacher had heard something, so she turned on our tiny CRT television and we watched the New York news as the plane flew into the second tower. I don’t even remember the rest of the day, but I remember sitting there flabbergasted that something like that could happen.  
> After listening to the song What Can I Say by Carrie Underwood, the concept for this popped into my head. One of the biggest defining things of my generation was 9/11, it was a turning point for a lot of people my age. There are a lot of other things going on in the world today that make that pale in comparison, but it’s the thing I remember the most when people ask me what I feel was the biggest thing from my childhood.

2003

It was pitch black outside, much later than my mother usually let me stay out, even if it was with my boyfriend whom she loved. However, graduation was in a few weeks so she’d become a lot more lenient with my curfew. I was laying on a blanket spread over the grass in my backyard, looking up at the stars, my fingers intertwined with the boy I’d fallen in love with three years prior when I was a freshman and he was a junior. At the time, he’d tried to tell me that I was too young for him, but one look in his bright blue eyes and I’d fallen head over heels in love with him.

Turning my head, I couldn’t help the smile that crept over my face. “I can’t wait until the end of the year.” Pushing up on one arm, I looked down at him, trailing a finger down his scruffy cheek. “We can finally be together all the time, not just stolen moments between studying and sleep.”

“Laurel,” he started to say, but I bent down and gave him a soft kiss.

“Bucky, don’t ruin my buzz by being all logical.” When his mouth opened again, I laid a finger over his lips. “I love you, silly boy. My mother got over the fact that you’re older than me a long time ago. She knows that we have plans to move in together after I…”

Pulling my hand away, Bucky frowned. “Laurel, I need to tell you something.” Pushing himself up, he held both my hands in his. “I went by the Army recruiters earlier today…”

“No,” I stated, yanking my hands away. “You promised.”

“I can’t just sit by and do nothing, that’s not who I am.” He reached for me again, but when I turned away his voice grew sad. “I love you, Laurel, but after 9/11 happened…” When I crossed my arms over my chest, he sighed. “You know exactly what I’m talking about, sweetheart, we’ve discussed this. I can’t just go work at my dad’s auto shop and be okay with that. There’s more to life than fixing cars and changing oil. There are men and women overseas dying, who am I to do any less?”

“What about our plans?” I asked softly, trying desperately not to cry.

“We’re young.” Bucky reached for me again, but I pulled further away, collapsing into myself. “Sweetheart, we have our whole lives ahead of us. I want… no, I need to do this. Please say you understand.”

Scrambling away, I stood and swiped at the tears that rolled down my cheeks. “No. I don’t understand. We were going to move in together, get jobs, save up for our wedding, and you’re just… you’re leaving me.”

When he stood as well, I moved out of his reach. “I’m not leaving you…”

“Yes, you are,” I argued.

“Laurel…” His voice broke as I moved further away from him.

“No, Bucky.” Slowly, anger overtook my desperation. “You promised. If you…” The thought of him going off to war was terrifying, made more so by the news telling stories of the stuff going on over there. Even though I knew my fear wasn’t rational, I couldn’t stop my rambling. “If you leave me, we’re done.”

“Laurel, don’t do this,” he pleaded, stepping closer. “I love you.”

“No, you don’t.” My voice cracked, the tears flowing harder. “If you did, you wouldn’t be leaving me.” Turning, I started walking back to the house. But he must have rushed over because his hand grabbed my arm and stopped me in my tracks. “I can’t do this, Bucky. I just… I can’t.”

“I love you, Laurel. Please, don’t do this.”

Instead of responding, I walked away, shutting the door as he called my name. Running up the stairs to my bedroom, I shut the door and slid down it until I was sitting on the floor. Wrapping my arms around my shins, I buried my face against my knees, sobbing. I’d just lost the only thing that mattered to me and I didn’t know what to do. A big part of me wanted to run back outside and into his arms, beg him to stay, but I couldn’t do that. My heart couldn’t take the rejection of asking him to do something I knew he never would.

\----------

A week later I was curled up on my bed in my room, the same position I’d been in every single day since we broke up, only leaving to go to the bathroom. I hadn’t even gone to school, not that it really mattered. My classes didn’t have any finals, assuming that seniors would just ditch anyway, so I’d spent my time curled up under my comforter, crying.

The front door rang and my mother went to open it. My bedroom door was at the top of the stairs, so I could hear everything she said. “Bucky!” she exclaimed. “What are you doing here? And what’s that uniform? Laurel wouldn’t tell me what happened but she’s spent the last week in her room.”

“Mrs. Wright…”

“Bucky, I’ve told you a thousand times, it’s Marilyn. Mrs. Wright makes me feel old.” I could hear the laughter in my mother’s voice. She really had told him every single time he came over to call her by her first name, but he insisted that his dad raised him better than that.

“Mrs…” She must have glared at him, because he changed tacts, “Marilyn, do you think Laurel would talk to me? My plane leaves in a few hours for basic training, and…” His voice trailed off and I could picture him standing at the door, staring at his feet as he shuffled back and forth, something he always did when he got nervous.

“I’ll check, hon.” Footsteps pounded up the stairs and there was a knock at the door. I didn’t respond, so the door opened and she came in, shutting the door behind her. Taking a seat on the edge of my bed, she laid a hand on my leg. “Oh, Laurel, why didn’t you tell me that Bucky was joining the Army?” Turning over to face the wall, I tried to stop the tears that began to spill again. “He wants to talk to you. Do you want me to send him up?”

“No,” I muttered.

“Laurel, sweetie, he’s leaving tonight.”

“No,” I said more firmly.

“Sweetie, he…”

“I said no,” I argued petulantly. 

The bed dipped as she stood and I heard the door open again. “Laurel, he’s leaving tonight. I don’t want you to regret it if you don’t see him before he goes.” When I didn’t say anything back, she sighed and shut the door, heading back down the stairs. “I’m sorry, Bucky.”

“It’s okay. Can you give her this for me, and remind her that I love her? Tell her that I’m sorry I’m missing her graduation, I really didn’t think they’d make me go this quickly.”

“Of course.”

His voice broke, “Mrs. Wright, I…”

“I know, Bucky. I know.” The front door shut and I heard footsteps coming up the stairs again. This time, she didn’t bother to knock. “Laurel Marie Wright, I’ll have you know that boy is brokenhearted over whatever happened between you two. I don’t know why you wouldn’t see him, but he asked me to give this to you.”

I turned over and saw the envelope that she held out to me. Taking it from her, I looked at my name in his tiny print. Crumpling it up in my hands, I tossed it onto the floor and turned back to the wall. My mother sighed heavily but didn’t say anything else. After the door shut, I started crying softly. It took everything in me to not get out of bed and pick up the letter and read it, but I knew if I did that I would rush out of the house and chase him down. But he was leaving me, after the months we’d spent planning our future together, which hurt more than anything else. I honestly didn’t know if I’d be able to live if he were killed overseas. Maybe if I never knew, it wouldn’t hurt.

\--------------------

2020

“Do you have to leave?”

I looked up from where I was putting my stuff into boxes and smiled at my administrative assistant. “Shuri, you know why I’m leaving. It’s time.”

She plopped down on the couch, her neon leggings and brightly colored tunic out of place in the conservative office. I didn’t care what she wore, especially since at nineteen she was one of the most gifted programmers I’d ever met. The big bosses, on the other hand, preferred a much more professional environment, only one of the many reasons they refused to pay her for her hard work.

“I don’t see why you have to leave just because you guys are getting a divorce,” she pouted, crossing her arms over her chest. “What am I gonna do when you’re gone? No one else around here takes me seriously.”

Sighing, I put the lid on the box. “As much as I loved working here, this just isn’t what I want anymore. Getting divorced, my mother dying, it’s made me realize what’s important in life.” Stepping around the desk, I sat down next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “I have to move back home to take care of my mother’s house, get it ready to sell. After that…” Shrugging, I tried to contain a sigh. “I don’t know what I’ll do next. But don’t worry, I’m going to try and put in a good word for you. Maybe they’ll finally hire you and pay you what you’re worth.”

“Laurel, you know I don’t care about that, never have. If I need money, I would just ask my brother. I do it because I love it.” She snuggled closer. “I’m just going to miss you, that’s all.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna miss you too, kid.” Standing, I smoothed my dress over my hips then walked over to the mirror. Fixing a strand of brown hair that had come loose, I turned to look back at Shuri. “I guess it’s time to face the music.”

Slowly, I walked down the hall to the office I’d been avoiding for months. Knocking on the door, I waited until the deep Australian voice said “Come in” and I pushed open the door. The familiar head of close-cut blonde hair, the neatly trimmed beard, even the blue eyes that stared at me as he finished a phone call made me regret everything. For a while, I had loved him, but it ended up not being enough to keep us together. He put down the phone. “Laurel, you know you don’t have to leave. This company is big enough for both of us.”

“I know, Thor.” I watched as he stood, trying not to admire the tall, muscular frame I hadn’t seen out of suits in over a year. He walked around the desk and sat on the edge, crossing his legs at the ankles. Twisting the ring off my finger, I moved closer and held it out. “I just wanted to return this before I left.”

“Laurel, I…”

“I’m not upset… well, not anymore.” I gave him a reassuring smile, forcing his fingers closed over the ring. “We fell out of love a while ago, so you don’t need to apologize again for falling in love with someone else while we were separated.”

“If you would let me finish…” He arched a perfectly manicured eyebrow, so I nodded. Reaching into his inner jacket pocket, he pulled out an envelope and tapped it against his palm. “I know it’s always been your dream to own your own company…”

“I can’t afford to start my own business and you know that.” That was one of the things that had come between us in the ten years we were married. Thor had a trust fund from his father, so he didn’t know what it was like to have to fight for everything he had. That hadn’t stopped me from loving him, but it did keep me from being able to relate to him completely.

“That’s what this is for.” He handed me the envelope. “Go ahead, open it.”

I did and saw a check for enough money to open my own place, staff it, and not have to worry about money for at least a year. “I can’t accept this.”

“Yes, you can.” Thor grabbed my hands in his, closing my fingers over the envelope. “You wouldn’t let me give you anything in the divorce, the least I can do is help you realize your dream. Laurel, I want you to be happy.”

“Thor…” I started to say, trying to convince him that I couldn’t take his money. But the one thing I knew about him was that when he set his mind to something, there’s no way to change it.

“Don’t even bother arguing.” Pulling me forward, he wrapped his strong arms around me, giving me a comforting hug. As I sagged against him, he added, “I’ll always love you, Laurel.”

Stepping out of his embrace, I nodded. “Yeah, me too, Thor.” I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “If you ever need me, you know how to get a hold of me.” As I walked back to my office, a petite brunette stepped in my path and I sighed. “Jane, how can I help you?”

“I want you to leave Thor alone. You guys are divorced now, he’s with me, I need you to…”

Pushing past her, I ignored the desire to punch her and continued to my office. Since she followed me, I didn’t even bother to hide my exasperated tone. “You don’t need to be a bitch. Thor and I are done, the divorce was final as of yesterday.” Turning toward her once I reached the door, I glared at her. “Don’t you worry your empty little head about our relationship because I’m leaving, today is my last day.”

As she flounced away, Shuri sidled up next to me and pulled the crumpled envelope out of my hands. “Don’t listen to her. You and Thor have a better relationship now than you did when you were married. Also…” Her voice trailed off as she looked at the paper in her hands. “Holy mother of Bast, this is a lot of money.”

I took the items from her and headed into the office, stuffing them into my purse. “Yeah, I know. Thor was being Thor again, thinking that money solves everything.”

Shuri crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. “Laurel, I’ve been your admin since I was sixteen, I know more about your relationship with Thor than anyone else. Thor doesn’t give a shit about money and you know it.”

Sighing, I looked down at my desk and closed my eyes. “He gave it to me so I could start my own company,” I muttered.

“Oh em gee, that’s fantastic! What are your plans to…”

“I haven’t even decided if I’m going to cash the check yet.” Putting on my cardigan, I slung my purse over my shoulder and grabbed the box with the few belongings I’d kept at work. “Well, I guess this is it. If you need anything…”

“I have your number.” Shuri laid a hand on my arm. “It’s not going to be the same without you here.”

“Yeah, I know. But things change for a reason.” Giving one last look back to my office, I started walking toward the exit, Shuri following me to open doors. “I’m gonna miss you, kid.”


	2. Return

Driving into my small hometown, I couldn’t help but smile. It was exactly the same as when I’d left. Main Street still had the diner I’d eaten at with… at thoughts of Bucky, my smile evaporated. It had been years since I last thought of him. For a long time after I broke up with him, I’d been miserable, my heart shattered. Then I’d met Thor and my lust had made me temporarily forget about the man I loved. After a few months of booty calls, he’d asked me out and the rest was history.

I parked my car in front of the diner and sat there, staring at the facade. This had been our spot, the one we always came and hung out at. This was the spot where Bucky had first told me he loved me, where we’d planned our future together. It was the one place in town I had avoided after we broke up, at least for the few months I’d been in town until I left for college. Once I moved away, I never came back, not even to see my mother.

Getting out of the car, I took several deep breaths as I stood on the sidewalk trying to work up the nerve to go inside. Looking out over Main Street, my heart started beating faster when I saw a familiar face. His hair was messy and longer, body more muscular and adult, but I would recognize that smile anywhere. Bucky had a little girl on his shoulders, his hands on her shins holding her in place. A gorgeous redhead walked next to him, staring up at the little girl with a soft smile on her face.

Of course he’d gotten married and had kids. It had been seventeen years. By now he was thirty-six, well past the age where he would have settled down. When they stopped in front of a store called Not Your Mama’s Atti _ c _ , he lifted the little girl off his shoulders and set her down, kissing the woman on the cheek before heading off in the other direction. The beautiful redhead went into the shop with the little girl, and when the door shut I turned away.

All I wanted to do was weep for what I’d lost, for throwing away his love. It was the dumbest thing I’d ever done, but at the time, living with the idea of worrying over whether or not he was going to die was the most terrifying thing I could imagine. But had I known that I would worry anyway, that it would keep me up at night, I never would have left him. Hindsight is twenty-twenty, so even though I regretted hurting him, there was nothing I could do about it now, especially since he was married.

Heading into the diner, the smile returned to my face when I saw my best friend from high school walking toward me. She looked at me, then did a double-take, eyes widening. Rushing over, she stopped before reaching out. “Laurel?” she asked softly. After I nodded, she squealed and pulled me into her arms, softly crying as she buried her face into my shoulder. We hugged for a minute, then she pulled back and wiped at the tears on her cheeks. “God, Laurel, it’s been so long.”

“I know, Jen. I’m sorry.” I reached up and wiped her cheek with a thumb. “It was just…”

“No apologies,” Jen stated. Softer, she added, “I understood then, and I understand now.” Taking a deep breath, she smoothed her hands over her apron. “Now, I’m sure you’re here for the food, not me. There’s a spot at the bar unless you want a table.”

Sighing, I looked around. “Actually, I’m here to meet with the lawyer to get my mom’s keys.”

“Ahh.” She glanced around, then pointed at the table in the corner. “I’m guessing you’re here for Morty. He’s the only lawyer in town, so…”

“Thanks, Jen.” I pulled her into another hug. “I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Before she left, she asked, “Have you seen… him?”

Steeling my face, I lied. “What are you talking about?”

“Bucky… he’s… he…” She gulped audibly. Barely above a whisper, she muttered, “He’s back in town. Has been for a few years.”

Fuck. How come my mother hadn’t told me that he was back? Probably because he was married and had a kid. Sighing, I gave her what I hoped was a reassuring look. “Don’t worry about it, Jen. I got over him a long time ago. It’s been seventeen years.”

Her eyes said they didn’t believe me, but she just nodded and went to help another customer. I made my way over to the table with an older gentleman in a suit and he looked up at me. “You must be Marilyn’s daughter.” He stood and shook my hand, then we both sat down. “You look just like her.” Pushing a manila envelope across the table, he stated, “Keys, title, and a couple of letters from your mother are in there, along with some papers I need you to sign. It doesn’t need to be right now, just when you get a chance. I’m sure you want to go back to the house and get settled in before…”

“What do I need to do to sell it?” I interrupted.

“Sell?” He sounded flabbergasted. “Why would you want to sell? Your mother seemed to be under the impression that you would want to move back and…”

“And what?” I laughed. “Live here? In this town? No thank you.”

Clearing his throat, he looked down at his empty plate. “The house is in need of a few repairs. You don’t have to do them before you sell, but I would suggest it if you want to get a fair price for it. It’s mostly cosmetic stuff, but people tend to imagine the worst.” Taking out his wallet, he put some money on the table and stood. “Bring the documents by my office tomorrow.”

After he left, I picked up the envelope and gave Jen a smile before heading back out to my car. As I tossed it on the passenger seat, I looked at the little shop that the redhead had gone in. I was so curious what she was like. What kind of woman would Bucky have fallen in love with? Would she be sweet and kind, witty and funny? I knew whatever she was like, she would be a better person than me.

Slamming the car door, I hiked my purse higher on my shoulder and marched across the street to the little store and pushed open the door. The bell above it jingled and I heard the sound of high pitched giggling and the pitter-patter of little feet. Looking down I saw the little girl from earlier come running at me. She stopped in front of me and held her arms up to me, saying “Up” over and over again. The redhead came over and picked her daughter up, frowning as she cried. “Sorry, Bella doesn’t understand the meaning of stranger.”

“It’s alright,” I said warily. Bella kept trying to turn to me, holding her arms out for me to take her. Sighing, I grudgingly offered, “I don’t mind holding her.”

The redhead raised an eyebrow, looked me up and down, then nodded and handed the little girl to me. Once Bella was secure in my arms, she leaned her head against my shoulder and sighed happily. The redhead laughed. “You know, she hasn’t taken to anyone else as fast as she has to you. I’m Natasha.”

“Laurel.” Walking slowly, I started moving around the store, taking in the mishmash of things. It looked like a very upscale flea market with racks of vintage clothes, antique furniture, and various types of knick-knacks on display. Bella’s breathing evened out and I looked down, seeing her tiny eyes shut as she slept. “I think your daughter was tired.”

“Fuck,” she muttered. “If you put her down now, she’ll wake back up and nap time will be shot.”

“I don’t mind carrying her around for a little bit.” Glancing around, I noticed some sculptures along one of the walls. Walking over, I looked at the items of varying sizes. They were made from random things - lace, beads, metal, wood, silverware - but each item had a very distinctive silhouette. “These are beautiful.”

“Thanks.” When I looked at her surprised, she flushed. “This is just a hobby that I started before Bella was born. After,” she shrugged, “it became my escape. My resale business gives me an opportunity to share my art with other people. I don’t sell very many, but since I just use things I find that aren’t loved anymore, it’s not expensive. Besides, my husband makes good money, enough to keep me in my hobby.”

When she brought up Bucky, I frowned. God, I couldn’t help the stab of jealousy and regret that shot through me. Even though I knew he was taken, all I wanted to do was find him and fall into his arms. But after almost two decades, that would just end up being more awkward than anything else. I looked at a sculpture in the shape of a cat and I thought of Bucky again, remembering the white cat he’d found and nursed back to health before the owners saw his ‘Found Cat’ poster and came to claim her. “Well, these are beautiful,” I managed to get out. Turning to her, I asked, “Do you think she’ll stay asleep now?”

Holding out her arms, she took Bella from me, and thankfully the little girl didn’t wake up. Natasha lowered her voice, “Come back anytime, Laurel. It will be nice to have someone to talk to in this town that isn’t from around here.” Her eyebrows rose. “At least, I haven’t seen you around, so I’m guessing you’re new.”

“Actually,” I muttered, “I’m from here, but this is the first time I’ve been back since 2003.”

“Ahh, still, you have the smell of the city about you. I miss having a Starbucks on every corner, no matter how good the coffee from Mel’s diner is.” We both laughed at that. “Seriously though, come back anytime.”

“Thanks, Natasha.”

Before I left, she added, “Call me Nat, all my friends do.”

Leaving the shop quickly, I tried to keep my breathing steady until my car was heading toward my mother’s house, not wanting to break down where others would see me. But as I drove, the tears started to fall. Worrying about coming back to the place where I’d last seen him had kept me from visiting my mother. The last time we’d seen one another was Christmas, five years ago, when she’d come to me since I wouldn’t go to her. I wasn’t here when she died. I wasn’t there for her when she needed me to be.

Pulling my car into the driveway, I parked it and started sobbing, my forehead pressed against the steering wheel. I’d lost the only family I had left, my husband, my job… Seeing Bucky again, feeling the loss all over again, it hurt more than I ever thought possible. It felt like my life was falling apart.

Lifting my head, I took several deep breaths, trying in vain to calm myself down. Grabbing the envelope, I headed inside, only for tears to well up in my eyes again. Everything looked exactly the same as it had when I’d left home at eighteen. Dropping my purse on the kitchen table, I sat down and opened it. Inside were two more envelopes, one with my name in my mother’s flowing script, the other in block print that looked vaguely familiar. I opened my mother’s letter first.

_ Laurel, _

_ I’m so sorry, baby girl. I love you so much, I never wanted to leave you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I had cancer, but I knew you would worry because that’s what you do, you worry. _

I couldn’t help but chuckle. My mother knew me too well. If I had known she had stage four breast cancer, I would have dropped everything to be by her side.

_ I didn’t want you to resent me for taking you away from Thor, or your job. I can see you shaking your head. Yes, baby girl, you would have resented me for it. I would have told you not to come, but you would have anyway, and then you would have been away from the husband you love and your dream job. Besides, what were you going to do? Wipe the ass of a dying woman? Watch as I withered away to the shell of the woman I used to be? I didn’t want that for you. I want your memories of me to be who I was before cancer. _

_ Also, Laurel, I’m sorry I didn’t warn you Bucky had moved home. He comes by sometimes, helping around the house. That boy is still as charming as he was at nineteen. I know time hasn’t healed all wounds, but don’t hide from him too long. You guys have a lot of unresolved stuff to work out. _

_ With that being said, the other letter in here is from him. From the night he left to go to basic. I couldn’t let you throw away the last thing you had of him, so I took it, just in case you ever wanted it. You never asked, so I just held onto it. _

_ I love you to the moon and back, please don’t be sad for too long. _

_ Love, _

_ Mom _

A single tear rolled down my cheek and I swiped it away, not wanting to bawl like a baby again. I had cried enough over the death of my mother, and if she didn’t want me to be sad, I was going to do my damndest to remember her how she was. Instead, I took out the other letter and stared at it. I didn’t want to open it. Part of me wanted to burn it, never knowing what it said inside. The other part wanted to know what it was I’d thrown away. In the end, curiosity won out. As I pulled the letter, a thin ring with a tiny diamond fell out onto the table. Ignoring it for a second, I read.

_ Sweetheart, _

_ I love you. I will always love you. No matter how far apart we are, no matter how long our separation is, I will love you. I hope that you read this and you’ll talk to me before I’m gone, but I also know how stubborn you are. Your stubbornness is only one of the things I love about you. I’m not going to list all the ways, because I’ve said them to you too many times to count, but just know that when I look up at the stars I will think of you. _

_ I’ve written this letter several times, crumpling it up into a small ball when the words didn’t come out right. Honestly, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my decision before I went to the recruiters. I’m sorry that I just sprung it on you like that, especially after saying I wouldn’t. I’m sorry that basic training is starting before your graduation. But I couldn’t just do nothing. I know you probably won’t understand, not now anyway, but I needed to help protect this country. There are men and women overseas, dying for our freedom, I have no right to do any less. _

_ My darling Laurel, I truly do love you. I hope you change your mind about us breaking up, I really do. The ring is my promise to you. We’re going to get married, move in together, have our 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence. I’m not going to ask you to marry me right now, but I swear, if you wear this ring, when I get back I’ll get you a real engagement ring and I will get down on one knee and ask the question I’ve been waiting over a year to ask.  _

_ I love you with every breath in my body. _

_ Bucky _

Laying the letter on the table, my vision swam with tears. Picking up the ring, I stared down at it, unable to believe that I’d been so stupid. If only I had read the letter. If only I hadn’t let my fear ruin the best thing that ever happened to me. Slipping it onto my ring finger, I cried harder when it was a perfect fit. It probably didn’t cost more than a hundred bucks, but it was more precious to me than the one I’d gotten from Thor. Taking it off again, I switched it to my right hand. It wouldn’t do for him to accidentally see me wearing it, especially not on that hand. It would be bad if he saw it on my right hand too, but I couldn’t not wear it. It was the only thing I had left of him. The only thing I was allowed to have.


	3. Confusion

Rolling over in bed, I pulled the blanket over my head and cringed at the light streaming through the window of my childhood bedroom. After spending most of the night crying, my head was pounding. Reading that letter from Bucky, then rereading it over and over, made me feel even worse for what I did. I’d spent hours reliving that night, wondering what would have happened if I hadn’t broken up with him, if I had talked with him the day he left, if I had chased after him, if I had read the letter… if... if... if… That was all I could do, think about what if.

Getting out of bed, I rubbed at my eyes, trying to soothe the ache behind them. There was so much left to be done around the house, I really didn’t know where to start. After finding out that Bucky lived here and was married to a gorgeous woman, I couldn’t stay. Not that I had ever intended to return home permanently, but I definitely wasn’t going to stay in a place that would constantly remind me of what I fucked up.

Even after seventeen years, all those old feelings had come rushing back like they’d never left. There had been times during my ten-year marriage where I’d wondered what he was up to, if he ever thought of me… but I’d shoved those thoughts and feelings into the back of my head, burying it deep in my subconscious. Now, there was a good chance that my feelings for Bucky had played a part in the dissolution of my marriage. I never cheated on Thor, but knowing that you’ll never be the first love in someone’s heart can be damaging to your self-esteem.

After I was dressed, I drove to the small hardware store. If I didn’t want to drive the hour and a half to the nearest big town, that was the only place I’d be able to get what I needed. When I went inside, I grabbed a cart and started pushing it through the store. It looked exactly like it had when I was a teenager, the boxes were even still in the same spot. As I loaded the stack into my cart, a familiar head of red hair came into my peripheral vision. Turning my head, I gave Natasha a soft smile. “Hey, Nat.”

“Laurel! It’s good to see you.” She looked into my cart, a curious expression on her face. “What’s with all the boxes?”

Sighing, I gave her my full attention. “My mother passed away a couple of months ago. The boxes are so I can pack her stuff up.”

“Oh,” she muttered, looking away briefly. When she turned back, her tone was serious. “Do you want some help? I’m sure Bella would love to hang out and help too. Even though her idea of helping is creating more mess for us to clean up.”

Taking a deep breath, I shook my head. “That’s really sweet of you, but I… I need to do this on my own.”

“Totally get it.” Natasha dug into her purse and pulled out a card and a pen, writing something on the back. “This is the shop card, I put my cell on the back, you can call me anytime. Or text, whatever you prefer. I’m more than willing to come and help, even if it’s just giving you a hug when you find something to be emotionally taxing.”

“Thanks.” I tucked it into my pocket and turned the cart to the front of the store.

“Before you go, we’re having a barbeque on Saturday. You should come.”

God, the idea of seeing her and Bucky together, of having to see him again, watching them be loving with each other… I couldn’t imagine anything worse. At the same time, I couldn’t just say no. Natasha seemed like a really sweet woman, and her daughter was adorable, I couldn’t hurt her like that. “Umm, I’m not sure I can. I need to get the house packed up and it’s going to take a long time and…”

“You gotta take a break sometime.” A perfectly manicured eyebrow arched and she hmm’d. “Come on, Laurel, say you’ll come. It’ll be a lot of fun, I promise. We’re gonna have hamburgers and beer and cake. Plus Bella will be really happy if you’re there.”

Closing my eyes for a second, I sighed. “I’ll think about it.” 

“That’s all I ask.”

\----------

The next several days I spent packing up my mother’s things. The easiest thing to get rid of were her clothes. She had me late in life and her style was about twenty years older than she actually was, so there wasn’t anything there I wanted to save. The hardest thing was her jewelry. I didn’t want to save it all - most of it was fake anyway - but I had fond memories of every single piece. But I managed to get it down to a few of the real pieces, including her wedding ring.

While clearing out her bedroom, I found a shoebox tucked away on the shelf of the closet behind some sweaters. Now my mother was fastidious in how she took care of, and organized, her house. A place for everything and everything in its place, that was something she used to say to me growing up. Shoe boxes were meant for shoes, not for whatever was inside of it. But when I took it off the shelf, I saw an envelope taped to the top of it.

_ Laurel, _

_ There are a lot of things I regret in life, one of them is not sharing these letters with you. I kept them from you because when they first started to arrive you were in a lot of pain. I knew that you wouldn't want them then, but after the first few I should have forced you to sit down with me and talk. I should have made you explain what happened, then gave you them. I never opened any of the letters, but I can guess as to what they have inside. _

_ Baby girl, I love you to the moon and back, please don't be mad at me for too long for not telling you about these. As I saved each one I kept hoping you would talk to me about him, that you would open up about what happened, my heart hurt for both you and Bucky. But after the box was half-full, it felt like it was too late to tell you. Do what you want with them, but I think at the very least you should read them. _

_ Love, _

_ Mom  _

Slowly, I lifted the lid off the box and saw letter upon letter stacked neatly inside. The first one was dated for a week after he'd left to go to basic. The next one for a week after that. Looking at the postmarks on each of the envelopes, I saw that he had sent a letter each week for a few months, then the frequency had dwindled down over time. The last letter was from around eight years ago.

I didn't know what to do, I didn't know if I should open the letters and read them, or throw the entire box away. I'd missed my chance with Bucky long ago, so reading these was going to do nothing but break my heart. But almost as if of its own accord, my finger slid under the seal of the first letter and I opened it.

A couple of hours passed and tears streamed down my face. In the beginning, he'd been begging me to talk to him, to try to understand why he did what he did. His letters were full of love and promises and reminders of the life we had planned. But once they had started coming less often, they changed from being love letters to more informative. Telling me about his friends, the places he's visited, each and every one of them ending with the fact that he still loved me and always would. The final letter is what really broke me. It was the shortest of the lot, and all it said was that he wasn't going to try anymore, but that he still loved me and he hoped I had found my happiness.

The one thing people always tell you is to never regret things you did in your life. But all I could do was regret. I regretted breaking up with Bucky, hurting him, making him go through years of pain. Out of everything I did over the last seventeen years, the only thing I didn't regret was marrying Thor. Yes, we didn't work out, but most of the ten years we were together were happy. But anything that involved Bucky or my feelings for him, I wished like hell I could go back in time and change. There was a large part of me that wished I could change the past, spend the last seventeen years with him, but unfortunately life didn't work that way.

Stuffing the letters back into the box, I set it on her bed and went to take a shower. Now there was even more reason for me to get the hell out of this town. The longer I was here, the harder it would be to bury my feelings again. I had only been here for just over a week and I was already crying on an almost daily basis. However, I also knew that in order to leave I needed to sell the house. That meant I needed to get her things boxed up and donated, then fix up the things that would prevent people from wanting it. I could take care of the repairs myself, but that would take a lot longer than simply hiring somebody to do it for me.

After I had gotten dressed and done my best to hide the fact that I'd been crying, I walked back toward Main Street. Maybe Natasha would know somebody that was good at fixing things. Jen might, but I still felt bad about avoiding my friend for so many years simply because Bucky and I were no longer together. At least with Natasha, I didn't have a history with her, so I didn't have to feel bad about anything other than having once been in love with her husband. We had a past, one that ended a long time ago.

Pushing open the door, I pushed my way inside, looking for Natasha. I heard the pitter-patter of little feet and saw Bella running over to me, her arms outstretched. Crouching down on the floor, I gave her a hug. “Hey there, Miss Bella. Where’s your mommy?”

With her arms wrapped around my neck, I heard a voice calling from the back, “Bella, where’d you go?”

Standing, I carried her toward the voice, flinching when I saw Natasha organizing some furniture. “She heard me come in.” When her green eyes met mine, I felt guilty all over again. Those letters had reminded me of my feelings, bringing them all back like a tsunami. I nodded my head in the direction of her daughter. “Sorry, she asked me to hold her again.”

“No worries.” She gave me a huge smile. “Even though Bella is young, she’s an exceptional judge of character. If she likes you, if she trusts you, I’m not going to tell her otherwise. She doesn't trust many people.” Taking a step closer, she ran her fingers through Bella’s strawberry blonde hair. “The only other person she’s taken to so completely, other than me and her father, of course, is her uncle.”

The bell above the door and heavy footsteps came toward us. I was looking at Natasha, so I saw her smile widen, the twinkle in her eye, and the only thing I could think was that Bucky had come in. The look in her eyes was one that people only got for someone they loved. When a tall blonde maneuvered around me and gave her a soft kiss, I was so confused.

Natasha laid a hand on his chest. “Laurel, this is my husband, Steve.”

“Husband?” I knew I sounded like I didn’t know what the hell was going on, but it was because I didn’t.

“Yup.” Her forehead creased as her eyebrows moved to the middle of her head, probably trying to figure out why I was so confused.

“I see Bella has taken a shine to you,” he noticed, smiling down at his daughter.

I felt even more awkward. Here I was, a complete stranger, holding his child while questioning his relationship with his wife. Not to mention that up until this moment I’d believed Bucky - the man that I was apparently still in love with - was Natasha’s husband, not Steve. “Yeah, sorry, she just…”

Steve held up a hand and chuckled. “Seriously, if Nat thought you were a danger to Bella, she wouldn’t be in your arms right now.” He pulled his wife against him, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “She’s a badass.”

Seeing how loving they were together was making my feelings ping all over the place. Finding out that Bucky wasn’t her husband, the first thought I’d had was that I could get back together with him. Even though my soul yearned for that, I knew it was never going to happen. It couldn’t. Too many years had passed by, I’d moved on, he’d moved on… we weren’t seventeen and nineteen anymore. We were adults who had changed, who had lived lives apart from one another. Carefully, I held out Bella, waiting until Steve took her from my arms. “So, I should probably get going, but before I do…” I looked specifically at Natasha. “Do you know of any handymen that are good with small household repairs? I really need to get several things done, soon, so I can… I could do it myself, but it would be faster with help.”

“Well, one of the handiest people I know is standing right in front of you,” she said, her tone teasing. “Steve and Bella’s uncle are two of the best people I know for that kind of stuff.”

“Umm…”

Steve took pity on me. “Why don’t we go to the shop? I can introduce you to my partner, you can tell us what you want to do, we can come up with a plan…”

“Shop? Are you guys contractors?”

Steve threw back his head, laughing so loud and joyously that Bella did as well. “Not even sort of. I mean, Nat and I moved into a pretty run-down house when we got to town and fixed that up, so we’re pretty good with construction type repairs. The shop is Cap’s Custom Cycles, just a few blocks from here. We build custom motorcycles.” He handed Bella to Natasha, then gestured to the front door. “Come on, it’s only a short walk from here.”

God, I just didn’t have the wherewithal to deal with this right now, my brain and heart were flip-flopping all over the place. “Right now isn’t… I need to… Can we do it later?”

His eyes bore straight into my soul, and it felt like he knew exactly what was going through my mind. Natasha interrupted, “So, are you coming to the barbeque tomorrow?”

“I, uh, I… I really need to finish packing.” It was the only plausible excuse I could come up with.

“You need to take some time off, have some fun.” She gave me a look that said she could tell I was hiding something, but she didn’t call me out on it. “It’s just going to be the three of us and some buddies from our army days. We promise no one will be weird. Please, don’t make me spend the day surrounded by all that testosterone by myself.”

“I won’t be the best company,” I muttered.

“We don’t care, hon.” She stepped forward and placed a hand on my arm, the other still holding Bella close to her body. “Even if it’s only for a little bit you should come by and say hi.”

Sighing, I relented. “Alright, I’ll come.”

“Yay,” she cheered. “Now, text me later and I’ll send you our address.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to come by the shop?” Steve asked.

“How about tomorrow after the barbeque?” I suggested. As much as I didn’t want to use him, I knew that anyone else in town probably knew too much about my past and my mother, and I really didn’t want anyone to pity me about her death, or losing Bucky.

“Sounds like a plan.”


	4. Reunion

Waking up, I could tell that I was going to be exhausted again. Thinking about Bucky had kept me up late into the night, my heart trying to figure out what to do. What would I say to him if I saw him? How do you apologize for being young and stupid? I knew there was nothing I could do to make up for the last seventeen years, and I wasn't sure I wanted to. Did I wish I could undo that one day? Yes. But if the last seventeen years hadn’t happened the way they did, I wouldn’t be the person I had become. Since I had changed, or at least become more mature, I assumed that the army and growing older had done the same to him. What I didn't understand was why he had been with Natasha the other day, why he kissed her on the cheek. They certainly looked close enough to be lovers, at least from my perspective.

After a little more packing, I took a shower and got dressed in a pair of shorts and a tank top, wanting to be comfortable. It was warm outside and the barbecue was going to be in the backyard so there was no way I was going to wear more clothes. The funniest thing about the whole day is that I hadn't realized it was a national holiday. With my grief over losing my mother and seeing Bucky again, combined with the divorce and quitting my job, I had lost all sense of time. Of course, now I felt like I was intruding on family time, but I really had no excuse to get out of going to the party.

As I walked to the house, drawing nearer, I realized it was the old Franklin house. The last time I had been in town, it had been in a significant state of disrepair. Since the mid-1900s it had sat empty, so to see it looking clean and freshly painted was shocking. When they said they bought a fixer-upper, I hadn't expected them to buy the town's haunted house. They must have basically rebuilt it to make it habitable.

Pushing open the back gate, I heard the sound of laughter and male voices talking. I couldn't quite see anyone yet, so I kept walking towards the corner of the house. Then I heard a happy squeal and I looked to see Bella coming running toward me in a red, white, and blue dress covered in sequins, Natasha following more slowly behind her with an amused smile on her face. 

Crouching on the ground, I drew the little girl into a hug, rubbing her back in the small circles. "Hi, Bella. Don't you look pretty today." 

“Hey, Laurel. I'm so glad you can make it.” Natasha smiled down at me, waiting until I stood before adding, “I totally forgot to ask you if you had any dietary restrictions.”

“Oh, don't worry.” I shook my head and chuckled. “I eat pretty much anything. Well, that's not quite true. I draw the line at things like oysters and squid.”

Natasha shuddered. “Ugh. No way in hell I would let those things at my house. Steve likes them sometimes. He was stationed in Southeast Asia for a while, so he got used to eating some strange food that I just never could like. The only time he gets them now is if he goes out to eat with the guys.” She grabbed Bella’s hand and started walking toward the backyard. “Come on, let me introduce you to everyone.”

As we walked I looked at the people gathered drinking beers, happy that there weren’t that many people I would have to meet. Then I stopped in my tracks, eyes widening. There stood the one person I hadn't been expecting, Bucky. He was talking with a handsome black man, gesturing and laughing. I could hear Natasha saying something to me, but I was so focused on him that I couldn't make out what it was. After a second, Bucky's head turned my way and his eyes met mine, I could see the shock reflected back at me. When he mouthed my name _,_ my heart started to pound, the only sound I heard was the blood rushing in my ears.

Taking a step back, I tried to breathe, tried to control the panic I felt. I didn't even look at Natasha, all I could do was watch as Bucky started walking toward us. “I, uh, I... I forgot to turn my stove off.” That was the first lie I could think of and even though I knew it was ridiculous, I couldn't stay. 

Turning on my heel, I all but ran out of the backyard. Walking at a brisk pace, I started heading back toward my house all the while trying to force myself not to break down and sob. Still, a few tears managed to escape and roll down my cheeks. I heard the sound of footsteps behind me, a deep voice yelling “Laurel” over and over again, but I didn't stop. I couldn't stop.

Speeding up, the footsteps grew louder until a hand clamped around my arm, stopping me from going any further. Bucky's voice broke as he asked, “Laurel is that really you?”

As much as I wanted to look at him, I knew if I did I would want to fall into his arms and never let go. It was taking every ounce of my willpower to not burst out crying. Taking a deep breath, I mumbled, “You should go back to your friends, Bucky.”

His hand dropped from my arm and I started to walk away. “Damn it, Laurel. Don't run away, not again.” He pleaded, voice cracking, “Please, not again.”

Turning toward him, my heart broke when I saw the devastated look on his face. His eyes were red and shone with unshed tears, but what really made me sad was the look of defeat evident in his frown. Wrapping my arms around my torso, I started to shake, my heart racing. “Bucky... I…” My voice cracked and the dam burst, the tears falling down my face while I sobbed. He pulled me into his arms and all I could do was say “I'm sorry” over and over.

Bucky helped me against him, arms tight around my body as he murmured against my hair. We stayed like that for a long time until my sobs lessened and I could breathe again. Once I could, the guilt came rushing back and I pulled away. Rubbing my eyes, I tried to come up with something to say.

“So, how’ve you been?” he asked, voice rough with emotion.

I chuckled, which morphed into crying, again. But when he tried to pull me back into his arms, I held up a hand and swiped at the tears on my cheeks. “God, Bucky, I'm so sorry.”

“What do you have to be sorry for?”

“Everything.” I felt the tears trickling down my cheeks again, and it made me mad. This was the first time in seventeen years we'd talked, and all I could do was cry.

“Laurel,” he murmured, taking a step closer to me and lifting his hand. When I backed away from his touch, his hand dropped to his side. “That was a really long time ago. You don't need to be…”

“Yes, yes I do.” Bringing my hands together, I looked down at the ground so I wouldn't have to look into his blue eyes. “Look, your friends are waiting for you. We can have this reunion another time.”

“Come back with me.”

“I don't think I should,” I argued. “I don't want my being there to make it weird.”

Sighing, Bucky mumbled a curse under his breath. Placing a finger under my chin, he tilted my head up so I looked at him. “Laurel, come back with me. Nat has been excited to get to spend time with her new friend, Steve's been telling me for days about the woman she met in her shop. He couldn't remember her name, but I'm assuming that's you. Don't let what happened between us make it awkward.”

“God, Bucky, that's not the only reason.” I waved a hand at my face, knowing that my eyes were swollen, probably shot through with red. Having people know I’d been sobbing wasn’t something I enjoyed. “I can't imagine that they won't talk if they see me looking like this.”

“You look beaut…” Stopping himself, he dropped his hand to my shoulder and squeezed gently. “Look, we'll go into the house get you cleaned up, then we'll introduce you to everyone. I promise, no one is going to think less of you for crying.”

“Bucky,” I groaned.

But he didn't let me say anything else. “We don't have to tell them that we dated. We don't have to tell them anything. Please, just come back with me.”

The desperate tone of his voice changed my mind, making me want to do whatever he asked of me. “Okay.”

We walked back to the house together, my arms wrapped tightly around my body, trying to control the surreal feeling of being next to Bucky again. We were silent the entire way, and we went through the front door and down into the basement. There was a small room that housed the washer and dryer, as well as an area for storage, but he led me through another door into a large bedroom. Stopping at the door, I looked around, trying to figure out what was going on. 

He must have sensed my confusion, because he rubbed the back of his neck and admitted, “I've been living with Steve and Nat for a while. Basically, since we got to town. I could find my own place, but this ends up being cheaper for all of us. With how much money they put into fixing this place up, then having Bella, it helps them save money.” He gestured to the bed. “Go ahead and take a seat.”

As he went through another door into what I assumed was the bathroom, I sat down and took several deep calming breaths. It didn't do much to make me feel more comfortable but at least I wasn't sobbing anymore. He came back out with a slightly damp washcloth, sat down next to me, and started wiping down my face extremely gently. “Bucky, I'm…”

“Shh…” He laid a finger over my lips, lowering the washcloth over his thigh. “You don’t need to apologize.”

Pulling his hand away from my face, I pushed it to his lap and frowned. “Yes, I do. God, we were so young, Bucky. I never meant to hurt you, really I didn’t. But…”

“Laurel…”

“Please, just let me get this out. You deserve to know the whole truth.” Staring at my hands, I twisted my fingers together. “You have to understand, I was so scared. When you told me that you were joining the army, my first thought was of having someone show up at my door to tell me that you were dead.” He grabbed my hand and muttered my name, but I kept my gaze averted, not wanting to cry again. “The thought of you going off to war, dying, it broke me. I know I didn’t handle it well, I didn’t even give you a chance to explain, I just ran.” The tears started again and I looked up to see his blue eyes, so full of understanding. “I am so sorry, Bucky, for everything.”

“Laurel, sweetheart, I’m not upset with you. I haven’t been upset with you in a long time.” Lifting his hand, he used his thumb to rub at the tears. “It’s been so long, I forgave you years ago. Eventually, I figured out that you must have been scared, because I knew how much you loved me, how much we loved each other.”

Looking away, I sighed. “I wasn’t just scared you would die. God, I was terrified that something would happen to you. That you’d come home and not be Bucky anymore. I ran. Instead of talking with you, I pushed you out of my life.” Letting out a sharp bark of laughter, I swiped my right hand over my face. “I hate myself for how I treated you. I hate myself for destroying what we have.”

“You weren’t wrong to be scared,” he said softly. Turning back, I watched as he took the glove off his left hand and rolled up the long-sleeved shirt he had been wearing. Holding out his arm, he started talking in a deadpan monotone, “Six years ago I was in a Humvee on a mission. We thought the road was safe, but someone had planted an IED. We drove over it and I woke up at Walter Reed, my left arm gone. If it weren’t for Steve…”

His voice trailed off and I carefully grabbed his arm, trailing my fingers over the shiny silver metal. It was the most advanced prosthetic that I’d ever seen, looking more like futuristic technology than what people normally got. “Does it hurt?”

“Not anymore.” Flipping his metal hand, he intertwined his fingers with mine. “I get why you were scared. Honestly, back then it didn’t even cross my mind that I could get hurt or die. It wasn’t until after the first time I was shot…”

“You were shot?!” I exclaimed.

Lifting up the corner of his shirt, he showed me a round scar on his abdomen. “We were on base playing basketball, so I wasn’t wearing my flak jacket. I’m not sure how, but someone got on with a gun and started shooting. I was lucky, I only bled a little.”

Reaching out with my free hand, I traced the puckered scar. “I’m sorry.”

Dropping the fabric, he cupped my cheek. “Hey, you don’t need to feel bad. You don’t need to be sorry. It was a long time ago.”

“No, I do.” Pulling my hand from his, I twirled the ring I’d just found on my finger. “I… I…”

Picking up my hand, he tapped the ring. “You still have it?”

Shaking my head, I clarified, “I just found it.” When his eyebrow rose, I sighed. “The night you left for basic, I was in so much pain. I’d lost my best friend, my lover, my future husband. I’d lost the love of my life, the only person I really wanted in my life. You left a letter for me, but I couldn’t bring myself to read it, so when I tried to throw it away, my mother took it and put it somewhere. She assumed that I would ask for it one day.”

“But you’re wearing it.”

I could hear the confusion in his voice, see it in his eyes, but I couldn’t tell him the truth. I couldn’t tell him that the feelings I thought I buried had come back full force after seeing him, after reading his letters. He had moved on, he didn’t need to know that I hadn’t. Instead of spilling the secret that would make everything worse, I told him everything. Maybe if I talked about the letters, I wouldn’t tell him how I felt. “I… I don’t know. It… reminded me of what we had.” Forcing my fingers away from the ring, I wrapped my hands together, trying to hide it. Making my voice as steady as I could, I attempted to talk without emotion. “I read the letter the first day I was here. My mother left it for me. A couple of days ago I found a box in my mother’s office with letters that you sent for years, letters my mother never gave me.”

“You never got any of them?” he asked in a hushed voice. I just shook my head. “Laurel, look at me, please.” As I lifted my gaze to him, he gave me a sad smile. “I thought you hated me. All those letters, all those years... I kept sending them, hoping that I would hear from you. When I didn’t…”

“I _never_ hated you, Bucky. In fact, it was the opposite. I… My love never… I was in love with you for years. If I had ever read those letters…” Shaking my head, I rubbed at my eyes and realized I was crying again. “I don’t think my mother meant to hurt either of us, she just knew how much pain I was in and didn’t want to hurt me again. The letter she left me about them said that she thought I would talk about you, which is why she saved them, but when I never did she didn’t know what to do.”

We were silent for a few minutes, me staring at my hands, Bucky laying his hand over mine as we sat there. After what seemed like forever, Bucky said, “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I know, but…”

“No, Laurel. It wasn’t your fault at all. Am I sad that you never got any of the letters? Yes, but I don’t hold that against you or your mother. Before she died I spent a lot of time with her. We actually talked a lot about you, just the major stuff though.” His smile got a little brighter. “She didn’t tell me about the letters, but I know she would never intentionally hurt us like that.” Standing, he stretched and rolled his other sleeve up. “I’m going to go outside and see what the others are up to. Stay in here as long as you need to, come out when you're ready.” Heading for the door, he stopped and looked back. “Laurel, I hope we can at least be friends.”

After he was gone, I whispered back, “Me too, Bucky. Me too.”


	5. Truth

I let myself take a few minutes to calm down, to sit there without crying. They were probably wondering what happened, but if Bucky was anything like the boy I'd known, he was telling them to give me a minute, shutting down any negativity. That was one of the things I'd always loved about him. No matter who you were, he'd stand up for you.

Standing, I went into the bathroom and had to chuckle at how blotchy I looked. It would definitely be hard to hide the fact I'd been crying, but still, I splashed cold water on my face, hoping it would help. After drying the water using his hand towel, I stared at myself in the mirror, trying to work up the courage to go back outside. Before seeing Bucky, I had noticed several people I didn't recognize milling about. I usually did fine with people I didn't know, it was necessary for my old job, but these were his friends. When people didn't like me, I didn't care, but the desire to make a good first impression was overwhelming.

With one last look in the mirror, I was as depuffed as I was going to get, so I left the basement and headed for the backyard. When I walked down the stairs to join the celebration, talk quieted down for a second as everyone turned to look at me. Thankfully, Bella noticed me and came running over so I had something to concentrate on other than them staring. Crouching down, I let her wrap her arms around me in a hug, picking her up.

Moving over to the group, I felt a little calmer after Bucky nodded at me supportively. Once I joined them, he said, "Everyone, this is Laurel Odinson."

"Wright," I corrected softly. When he gave me a questioning look, I expounded, "Laurel Wright, my divorce was finalized recently." Bella started struggling, so I put her down, stuffing my hands into my pockets. "It's nice to meet y'all."

The handsome black man Bucky had been talking to earlier looked between us, eyes widening. “Bucky, man, _this_ is Laurel? This is the woman you never got over?”

Bucky flushed, lifting his flesh hand to rub the back of his neck. “Ignore Sam,” he told me. “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about."

"Young man, I'm pretty sure he knows exactly what he's talking about." An older black man joined us, the eyepatch over his face giving him a menacing look. He held his hand out, waiting for me to shake it. "Colonel Nick Fury, you can call me Fury."

An arm wrapped around me and Natasha chided them gently, "Boys, leave Laurel alone. I brought her here to have fun, not for you to tell her about whether or not Bucky…"

Turning toward her, my eyes widened. "You knew who I was," I accused. Pulling away from her, I tried to stay calm. Getting mad at my new friend would not be good. "That's why you invited me, because you knew. This whole time, I can't believe it."

"Be nice to Nat," a laughing voice said. When I glanced over, I saw a blonde mohawk and a full sleeve Japanese style tattoo, arms crossed over his chest. "I'm Clint. Don't blame Nat for not telling you, she asked me and I said not to."

Bucky sighed, swiping a hand over his face. "Guys, what did you do?" Moving over to me, he laid a hand on my back and directed me away from the group. Once we were a bit away, he said softly, "I'm sorry about this. I had no idea…"

"It's fine."

"No, it's not."

Stopping, I turned to him and raised an eyebrow. "Why? Why is it not fine? Because Nat invited me under false pretenses? Because they seem to think you never got over me?"

"God," he groaned. "Honestly, I'm surprised she remembered your name." My eyebrow rose higher and he flushed redder. "When I first PCS'd to my last base, they were already there. They had a party for all the new people and I got drunk. Showed them the picture I had of you and told them you were the love of my life, the one that got away." His feet shuffled and he rubbed his metal arm with his flesh hand. "I'm sorry, Laurel. I didn't even think about that, or I wouldn't have made you come back."

He didn't exactly admit to still being in love with me, but knowing that he had told his friends about me, even years after we broke up made my heart beat faster. God, I wanted to pull him into my arms, admit that I'd never gotten over him, tell him that his letters brought everything rushing back, but I couldn't. "It's okay, Bucky. I'm sure Nat had the best of intentions." Sighing, I chanced a glance over at the group who was watching us. "Look, it's been years, I'm not going to be mad at something you told them a long time ago. Hell, we were in love, so it's not like you lied to them. I know you're over me, I mean, I am…" I couldn't complete the sentence, because it was a lie. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. "I expect nothing, Bucky. But maybe you should go tell your friends that you're not in love with me so they'll stop talking about it."

He didn't respond, so I opened my eyes to see him staring at me intently. But before I could say anything else, he nodded and started heading back toward them. I followed slowly, wondering what that look had been for. It was almost as if… shaking my head, I stopped that thought. There was no way in hell he still had feelings for me, not after all these years. Even I hadn’t maintained my feelings, having pushed them so deep into my subconscious that I’d forgotten about them until recently. 

As I walked up to the group, Sam gave me an embarrassed smile. “Sorry, Laurel.” Holding out his hand, he shook mine. “Nice to meet you. Lt Colonel Sam Wilson, pararescue. Unlike the rest of these jokers, I’m still gainfully employed by the US government.” Fury cleared his throat, glaring with his one eye and Sam sighed dramatically. “Sorry, old man, sometimes I forget that you haven’t retired yet.”

Clint chuckled, “Clint Barton, EOD. Left the army just after Bucky’s…”

“I told her about the accident,” Bucky said gently when Clint’s voice trailed off.

“Did you show her the whole thing?” Clint sounded excited, almost like a kid in the candy store. “Dude, it’s so cool. You should show her.”

Bucky looked at me and I just shrugged. “Maybe later.”

Steve and Natasha came out of the house without Bella, probably after having put her down for a nap. Natasha winced, then pulled me into a hug, muttering in my ear, “Sorry I didn’t tell you I knew who you were. I just remember how Bucky talked about you, and when I saw you, then found out your name, I thought that it would make him happy. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” She hugged a little harder, then said before releasing me, “I really would like to be friends though.”

I smiled at her. “I’d like that too.” Then I looked over at Steve. “So, I’m assuming you were in the army too?”

Steve shrugged, not really seeming comfortable with the question. “Yeah. Green beret. But when Buck got hurt…” He looked away and Natasha wrapped an arm around his waist. “I just got tired of seeing people getting hurt.”

“Totally get that,” I said quickly, not liking the sad look on his face. Looking around, trying to come up with something less depressing to talk about, I noticed a large round cake that had red and white concentric circles surrounding a blue circle with a white star on it. “What’s up with the cake?”

“It’s Steve’s birthday,” Natasha replied happily.

“Wait, your birthday is Independence Day?”

“Yeah,” he smiled when Natasha stood on her toe and kissed him. “Trust me, I get tired of all the patriotic presents, but it’s still fun. Plus, I always get it off, no matter what I do for work.”

For the next several hours, we all sat around the fire pit in the backyard, drinking beer and talking. The boys told stories about their time overseas, nothing bad, just the funny ones. Natasha brought Bella back outside after a couple of hours and she played while everyone else continued to hang out. Honestly, I could see why they’d all become such good friends. They all seemed like they got very close in the two years they were at the same base, even though they weren’t all in the same squadron. But all of them agreed on one thing - the fact that Bucky got injured on what was supposed to be a ‘goodwill’ mission led to their disillusionment with the military in general. Fury was set to retire in a few months, Sam had three years left.

Most of the party, I just spent it trying not to look at Bucky, sending him covert glances every once in a while. He didn’t catch me doing it, thank God, but Natasha did. When she noticed, she would give me this small smile and then look at Bucky, the smile never leaving her face. I think she could sense my feelings, but I really hoped I was wrong. The last thing I needed was her meddling in something that would never be. I could give her leeway for having forced us together because really, she didn’t know everything that transpired between us, at least I hoped she didn’t. God, if she knew the whole story… then again, if she knew the truth, she never would have tried to bring us back together.

As the party wrapped up, everyone else had left, saying they had to hit the road. Bella had been put to sleep a couple of hours ago, and Steve had lit the fire pit, getting us some more beers. Normally, I didn’t drink too much, but since my home was within walking distance, having another beer wasn’t a big deal.

Steve took a long pull out of his bottle and looked over at me. “So, you still want help fixing up your house?”

I looked between the two boys, wondering at their very different expressions. Bucky had one of confusion and curiosity, while Steve’s was blank and hard to read. Sighing, I turned away from them, but Natasha just had a look saying she knew exactly what my problem was. “Yeah, I do,” I said simply.

“Well, Bucky and I are pretty handy, we…”

“Bucky’s your partner.” When he went to respond, I held up a hand. “Nevermind, I should have guessed.” I let out a heavy sigh. “All I want to do is sell my house. In order to do that, I need to fix some things up. While I can do them myself, it will take a lot longer that way.” Turning back to them, I added, “I’ll pay you guys, of course.”

“You don’t have to pay us to get us to help,” Bucky said softly. “I’m more than happy to help with whatever you need.”

“Me too,” Steve piped in.

“I can help too.” Natasha grinned when I looked at her surprised. “Bella and I can come over, help you finish packing, paint, just hang out and watch the boys get all sweaty and hot...”

As she winked, I laughed, finally feeling a little less awkward. “Thanks.” Letting out a jaw cracking yawn, I stood and finished my beer before setting the bottle on the table. “I should get going.”

Bucky stood too, setting his bottle down as well. “Let me walk you home.” When I gave him a look, he responded in kind. “It’s dark outside, and even though I know our small town is safe, I’ll still feel better if you let me…”

“Fine,” I muttered. Looking at the others, I said, “Thanks for inviting me. This was a lot of fun, and much needed. Steve, happy birthday.”

Natasha got up and gave me a hug, whispering in my ear, “Give him a chance. He’s a good guy.”

Groaning internally, I just replied, “I know,” then turned and started walking away. I was out of the backyard when Bucky joined me, walking quietly by my side. We were quiet for a minute, before I finally told him, “You really don’t need to walk me home.”

“Actually,” he groaned, swiping a hand over his face, “I’m not doing this for your safety. I wanted to ask you something.”

Glancing over at him, I noticed he was studiously avoiding looking at me. “Ask away.”

“Would you like to get coffee?” When I was silent, he added quickly, “Just to reconnect. I’m not asking you on a date. Unless…”

“Sure.” Stopping, I turned and gave him a soft smile. “Bucky, I’d like us to be friends. I know that I fucked everything up years ago, but…”

“You didn’t…”

“Yes, I did, and you know it.” I raised an eyebrow, daring him to argue with me. “The fact that you’re being so nice to me, after I… It’s a little weird. But it’s been seventeen years, and I’d like to get to know you, the person you’ve become since… since…”

“Laurel,” he took a step closer, lifting his flesh hand to cup my face. Thumb brushing over my cheek, he gave me the softest look that damn near melted my heart. “I will never be mad at you for what happened between us. I messed up too. Don’t give me that look, I did. How about this? Steve and I will come to the house tomorrow so you can show us what you want to be fixed. Afterward, you and I will go grab a coffee, get to know one another again.”

Laying my hand over his, I let myself enjoy the touch for a moment before pulling his hand away. “That sounds like a good plan. Now, I’m gonna go home, you should do the same.”

“Goodnight, Laurel.”

“Goodnight, Bucky.”


	6. Friends

Staring at the coffee pot, I sat down at the kitchen table and laid my head on the smooth wood. I’d gotten a text from Natasha telling me that the boys would be here at nine, so I’d gotten up early, trying to figure out everything that I’d want their help with. I almost wanted to call them and say not to come, only because seeing Bucky again had made it difficult to sleep. Since getting back to my small town, it seemed like all I did was cry and lay awake at night. Even though he had said he wasn’t upset with me, I couldn’t help but hate myself for how I treated him. 

There was a knock at the door so I sat up and went over to it hesitantly. It wasn't that I didn't want to see them, it was that I wasn't sure how being around Bucky was going to make me feel. The several hours I'd spent at the party hadn't been too awkward, but then again, I hadn't been actively communicating with him then either.

Opening the door, I saw a bashful Steve standing there, no one else. At my confused gaze, he clarified, "Bella was being a handful this morning and she would only behave for her Uncle Bucky. He told me to come over without him so that way you wouldn't think you were being stood up. Once he gets her calmed down, he’ll be on his way."

I moved out of the way and gestured him inside. "Come on in, I've got coffee brewing if you want some."

"Sure, that sounds great."

In the kitchen, I poured him a cup of coffee and handed it to him. "Cream or sugar?"

"Black's fine." He sat down at the table, so I did as well. "There was another reason for me to come without him, Bella just gave me a good excuse." He took a sip of the coffee and grimaced. "Actually you know what, I'll have some milk if you have any."

I got the milk out of the fridge and he put some in his coffee, as I put it away I asked, "That bad?"

"I'm pretty sure that the coffee maker hasn't been cleaned in at least a decade." He took another sip, this time seeming less disgusted. "So, as to why I wanted to talk to you without Bucky here. I feel like you have the right to know... Maybe not the right, but you should know something. When Bucky had his accident we were on a humanitarian mission, supplying aid to a small village. It was a volunteer thing, which is why I was in the vehicle behind him. When his Humvee drove over the IED, my heart dropped into the pit of my stomach." He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "He…"

Reaching over the table, I laid a hand on his. "You don't have to tell me anything."

"He won't tell you this, he doesn't remember. At least, I don't think he does." He took another sip of his coffee and I moved my hand away. "When we got to him, he was... It was bad, really bad. I tried to keep my tone positive, but I'm pretty sure Bucky thought he was going to die. He did what everyone who thinks they're going to die does. He made me make him a promise. He told me that if he died, I was to find you and tell you that he never stopped loving you."

I choked back a sob and laid a hand over my mouth. A solitary tear rolled down my cheek and I closed my eyes, not wanting to imagine how bad it must have been in order for Bucky to force that kind of promise from Steve. "Does Natasha know?" I managed to get out. 

"Yes." He got up and crouched down by my chair, taking one of my hands in his much larger one. "I had quite a few sleepless nights after that, she wouldn't let me get away without telling her what happened. I'm pretty sure that's why she invited you over yesterday, so I'm sorry about that."

"Why are you telling me this? Why?"

"Because he's not going to tell you how he feels about you because he thinks you are over him. If you are, you can take my words and forget I ever said anything." With his other hand, he reached up and wiped at the tears that had started to flow. "But somehow, I don't think he's the only one that is still holding onto feelings from when they were younger."

If my mother had been there, I would have asked her what to do. Of course, she had always loved Bucky so I know exactly what she would have said - to tell him the truth, see where it went. But at the same time, I couldn't do that. Looking down at the large handsome man crouched next to my chair, I asked him. "What should I do?"

There was another knock on the door and he stood. "Get to know him again. See if who he is now is someone that you can love. Because even though you both still have feelings for the people you used to be, that doesn't mean you will have feelings for the people you have become. Just give them a chance." He started heading towards the door. "Go splash some cold water on your face and I'll let Bucky in."

As he opened the door, I went into the downstairs bathroom and did as he suggested. Fuck, why was this happening now? I could have gone the rest of my life without knowing any of that. The real question wasn’t how he felt a few years ago, but how he felt right now. That’s what I wanted to know, or at least what I thought I wanted. I didn’t even know what I would do if I found out the truth. If he didn’t have the same feelings anymore, I would be devastated. If he did… I honestly didn’t know how I would react.

Once I felt like I didn’t look like I’d been crying, I left the bathroom and headed to the kitchen toward the sound of male voices talking. When I entered, Bucky looked at me, his eyes softening as I walked in. Steve just gave me a look that said, ‘I told you so.’ As they just looked at me, I said softly, “Hey guys.”

Bucky just kept looking at me, until Steve bumped his shoulder into him and he stumbled forward a bit. “Hey, Laurel.”

The silence was so awkward. Steve and I had already talked, so he didn’t say anything else, but I didn’t know what to say to Bucky. After a minute, I started babbling, “So, the work that needs to get done isn’t too hard, just tedious.” I turned, heading toward the living room, pointing at spots on the hardwood flooring. “There are several places through the house where the wood is either loose, warped from age, or just needs to be sanded and restained. The baseboards also need to be fixed in a few places. I’ve considered redoing the master bath, but I don’t want to put too much money into the house. That usually doesn’t pan out in an increase in sale price.”

Steve cleared his throat and I looked at the boys, my face warming. “What about all your mother’s things?”

“I’m still going through everything, trying to decide what I want and what I need to pack to give away.”

“Do you want help with that?”

Giving him a confused look, I asked, “You guys want to help me pack?”

“We’re here to help,” Bucky finally said. “With whatever you need.”

“I need to get more boxes first.”

“How about this?” Steve turned and looked at Bucky, then nodded after they seemed to have a silent conversation between them. “We have tomorrow off because of the holiday. We’ll come by in the morning and finish getting everything packed up. Then, next weekend, we can begin work on the stuff that needs fixing.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to…”

“Yes, I’m positive.” Steve laid a hand on my shoulder and grinned. “Now, I’m gonna go home and spend some time with my wife. I’m sure she’ll be appreciative.”

As he left, Bucky looked at me, asking softly, “Still wanna go for coffee?”

\----------

We stopped at Mel’s and got to-go cups of coffee, there being too many people around for us to have a decent conversation. Instead, we went to the park and sat down on a bench that overlooked a small pond. After a few minutes, Bucky spoke up, “So, I know you were married and a bit about your job, but I didn’t… your mother didn’t tell me much else.”

“What do you want to know?”

Reaching over with his metal hand, he laid it on my thigh and squeezed lightly before moving it back to his lap. “Whatever you want to tell me. I just want to get to know you again.”

“Let’s see…” Taking a sip of my drink, I kept my gaze on the water. “I graduated from NYU with a bachelor's in computer science, then stayed to get my masters. That’s when I met Thor. He was…” Shaking my head, I muttered, “You don’t want to know about that.”

Turning fully toward me, Bucky argued, “Yes, I do. Laurel, whatever we used to be, we were friends first. I’d like to be your friend. I’d like to know about your life.”

“Fine.” Taking another sip, I sighed heavily. “Thor was the first man I’d even been interested in since we broke up. At first, it was just sex, but somewhere along the way, he slipped past my defenses. We both got jobs at a subsidiary of Stark Industries, then got married a couple of years later. I was really good at my job, got promoted a few times. After about eight years of marriage, we realized that while the sex was good, we didn’t love each other anymore. Went to couple counseling for a year, which didn’t work, so we did a trial separation and he found someone else. My mother didn’t tell me she was sick so I wasn’t here for her, I got divorced, quit my job, and now I’m here.” He was quiet for a long time, so I pinged the question back to him. “What about you? What did you do after… after us?”

“Well, you already know I joined the army. That’s not really something I like to talk about, but…”

Scooting closer, I laid my hand on his arm and looked into his eyes. “Bucky, you don’t have to tell me anything about that time. Seriously. You can talk about anything else. Like… did you ever think about getting married? To someone other than me, I mean.”

His eyes widened and he choked on a laugh. “You want to know if I ever…”

“Tell me whatever you want, Bucky.” Turning, I faced the pond. As much as I didn’t want to know if he’d fallen in love, we were trying to be friends. This was the kind of thing friends did. “I just want to know what you’ve been up to.”

Bucky cleared his throat. “Well, a few years after we broke up I was in a bad place. Still in love with you, but I met… I met this girl and we got married. It lasted all of six months before we divorced. After that, there were a few women I dated, but nothing ever lasted. Didn’t help that I was military and moved every few years.”

His voice trailed off and I tried to think of a change in topic. “So, what made you decide to move back home and become a mechanic? I seem to recall you saying that there was more to life than being a mechanic in a small town.”

He laughed, the sound happy. “After my arm was replaced, I felt lost. My dad suggested I come home, live with him. There was no way in hell I was going to do that, but Steve and I both shared a love of motorcycles, so we decided to try and start a custom bike shop. Even though this is a small town, we get people from all over the country wanting us to build for them. I build the bikes and Steve does the custom paint jobs.” He took my hand in his, threading our fingers together. “I’ve missed you, Laurel.”

“Yeah, I missed you too, Bucky.” The metal fingers were smooth against mine, the material cool even in the heat of summer. “I’m sorry I…”

“No more saying sorry,” he interrupted. “You were young… hell, I was young, too. There are a lot of things I wish I had done differently, but you’re here. We’re in each other's lives now, for better or worse.”

Leaning my head against his shoulder, I closed my eyes, letting myself imagine a world in which we were more than just acquaintances. “Do you really think we can be friends? Because I’d really like that.”

“Damn straight I do.” When I laughed, he did as well. “We just gotta get to know one another again, that’s all.” We sat like that for several minutes, just staring at the water ripple as ducks landed and took off from it. Finally, he said, “I should let you go get more boxes, unless you want help.”

Extricating myself from his warmth, I stood and stretched from side to side. “I got it.” Giving him a grateful smile, I added, “Thanks, Bucky.”

“Anytime, Laurel.” He took my now empty coffee cup and threw his and mine away. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”


	7. Realization

A knocking at the door woke me up, and I sat up in bed, blearily rubbing my eyes. When I looked at my phone, I realized it was the precise time when the boys said they would be there. Quickly, I scrambled out of bed, not even bothering to change out of my Wonder Woman sleep shirt, and raced down the stairs. As I opened the door, I blinked several times to try and avoid the bright light streaming in.

“Mornin’,” I yawned. “Come on in.” Once they were in the foyer, I yawned again. “Sorry, forgot to set my alarm last night. Would one of you guys be so kind as to make coffee? I would have had it ready, had I woken up.”

They both laughed, Bucky answering, “I'll make it. That old machine is cantankerous if you don't do it just right.”

Heading back upstairs, I tried to slow the beat of my racing heart. Yesterday had been hard enough, sitting with Bucky at the pond, just being with him. If I thought that the flood of emotions were back after seeing him and talking to him, being in his presence for even a small amount of time like that had made me realize that I really still was head over heels in love with him. It was probably memories of who he was and what we had, but those blue eyes and that smile hadn't changed a bit, all they did was remind me of the boy I once loved.

Once I was dressed, I went back down and headed toward the kitchen, trying not to be shocked when Bucky handed me a mug of coffee that was the perfect shade of light brown. As I took a sip, Steve asked, “So, what's the plan for today?”

“Well…” Taking another drink to give me a second to wake up and think, I tried to figure out exactly what I wanted the boys to do. To be honest, the packing is relatively easy and something I could easily do myself. “The thing I'm going to have a hard time with is moving the furniture I don't want to keep. My hope is that between the three of us, we can put the ones I want to keep into one of the spare rooms, and the ones I don't want to keep we can put in the garage. I'm planning on having a charity come and pick up everything that I want to get rid of.”

“Sounds…” Steve's phone rang and he gave us an apologetic look. “Sorry, it's Nat.” Answering, he said, “Give me a sec, honey.” Looking at me, he gave me a half-smile and a knowing look. “Why don't you start showing Bucky the things you want to keep and we can go from there. This call shouldn't take more than a few minutes.”

When he walked out of the room, I turned and headed toward the stairs. “All right, let's get started.” I went into my mother's room first, most of the furniture in there was old, but severely in need of repair before it could be useful. “So, I'm definitely not keeping the dresser or the nightstands, but I'm thinking about the bed frame. It's solid wood and…”

My eyes drifted over the box in the bed at the same time his did. It was obvious what they were, but I didn't know how to cover up my mistake. “You really didn't get them.” There was no question on his voice, just realization that I've been telling the truth. Walking over, he ran a finger over the letter poking out, the one where he told me that he wasn't going to try anymore. “I wrote more,” he finally said. “There were so many, but I couldn't bring myself to inundate you with more pleading to talk to me.”

“Bucky, I'm…”

Waving a hand, he cut me off. “No apologizing.” When I tried again, his eyes narrowed as he carefully put the lid on the box. “I get that you feel bad, but you really don't need to. We were young, we both fucked up back then, and it's not like you were throwing these away without reading them.”

“Bucky…”

“Blanket forgiveness, okay? For everything. That's what friends do, they don't hold grudges.”

Before I could say anything else, Steve walked in glancing between us, the tension in the room thick. “Sorry ‘bout that. Bella was being moody and wanted to talk to me.” His eyes dropped to the box on the bed and Bucky's hand on it. “Why don't we start downstairs, I have a feeling those floral couches will be easier to make a decision about than the stuff up here.”

He left the room and Bucky stared at me for a second before following him out. Even though I was thankful for it, I still bemoaned Steve's timely interruption. If he hadn't come in, I probably would have confessed what the letters made me feel, what they made me remember. I wish I could tell him the truth, but even though we’d decided to be friends, that wasn’t the same thing as confessing I still loved him.

When I got into the living room, the boys were talking in hushed tones that ceased the second I walked in. Bucky had this look on his face that said he wanted to ask something, but he stayed silent. We began moving room by room, with me getting rid of almost all the furniture my mother had collected over the years. Most it was either in bad shape, completely not my style, or things I never saw myself using. One piece that I couldn't bear to give away was an old roll-top writing desk that had been mine as a teenager. During the height of mine and Bucky's romance, I have carved LMW+JBB in a heart onto the desktop. My mother had been furious, but I was happy that she hadn't gotten rid of it.

We were taking a break in the dining room for lunch, when out of nowhere Steve asked, “Have you thought about staying in town?”

I choked on the bite of turkey sandwich I had taken, covering my mouth with a hand. After swallowing, I shook my head. “There's too many memories here.” When Bucky frowned, I added, “Not all bad, but I don't want to wallow in the past.”

“What about the future?” Bucky murmured.

Serendipitously, the front door opened and a cheerful Natasha called out, “Where are you guys?” Footsteps led to the kitchen and she walked in, absent Bella. Taking a seat sideways on Steve’s lap, she told him, “Dropped Bella off at Papa George’s so I could come and help.”

My eyebrows rose halfway up my forehead. There was only one George I knew of, but maybe she meant someone else. “Papa George?”

“Bucky’s dad watches her sometimes. He’s like another grandparent, except he spoils her a lot more than my parents do.”

“Yeah, he always has been a soft touch.”

Giving Steve a kiss, she pushed off his lap. “So, what can I do?”

“Well…”

“Bucky and I are going to start moving furniture to the garage.” Steve finished the last bite of his sandwich and stood. “Maybe you guys can go through the boxes in the garage and figure out what will be saved and donated. Maybe move them to the side so we can fit the larger pieces out there.” Gesturing to Bucky, he headed out of the kitchen. “Come on, let’s get started.”

Once Bucky was gone, I laid my head on the table and sighed. Natasha sat down next to me and laid her hand on my back, rubbing lightly. “What’s wrong?”

“This is harder than I thought,” I groaned.

“What? Packing your mother’s things?” When I just turned my head and looked at her, she nodded. “Ahh, Bucky.” I just groaned and she chuckled. “You like him, don’t you?”

“Really? That’s what you want to know?” Pushing myself up, I started cleaning up the dirty dishes, avoiding the question. But she just kept staring at me while I worked, eyes non-judgemental. Sighing, I leaned against the counter and pressed on my eyes with both hands. “Yes, I lo… like him. What the fuck do I do?”

“First is the obvious answer, tell him.” When I glared, she shrugged. “I said it was the obvious answer. But have you thought about giving him a second chance?”

“It’s been too long.” Sinking back onto the dining room chair, I rubbed my nose between my fingers. “It’s too late to…”

“It’s never too late.” She dragged a chair closer to mine, sitting down and taking my hands in hers. “Yes, it’s been a long time, and yes, you two are different people now. But it’s never too late to try again. You just have to keep in mind that it won’t be the same as when you’re young.”

“I’m not sure I…”

“Look, just think about it. He’s not going anywhere.”

For the next couple of hours, Natasha and I went through boxes in the garage, the vast majority of them getting put to the side for pickup. There were only a few things I kept out, stuff that was too sentimental to get rid of. After she left to go pick up Bella from George’s, I got to the last box which just said  _ Laurel’s Stuff.  _ Opening it up, I nearly started crying. It was full of things I’d thought had been thrown away, things I’d gotten rid of in an attempt to try and forget Bucky. That was one thing I’d never been able to accomplish. It’s true what they say, you never forget your first love.

When I got to my diary, the tears started falling. I didn’t open it up, knowing exactly what was in it, memories of me and Bucky. The photo album that was underneath it, that I did open, which only made me cry harder.

A hand touched my back and Steve asked, “You doin’ okay?”

“I fucked it all up,” I sobbed.

He sighed, took the album out of my hands, and pulled me into a hug. “I’m not any good at this touchy-feely type stuff, it’s more Nat’s domain, but no, you didn’t.”

Pulling away, I scoffed while swiping at my cheeks, trying to halt the tears. “I destroyed the best thing I had and you’re telling me I didn’t fuck it up? I wasn’t there for him. I wasn’t there when he needed me. I wasn’t there when he got hurt. I ran away, I hid, I pushed and pushed until I lost the only thing in my life that mattered.”

The tears flowed harder, the anger I felt toward myself overriding everything. Even though Bucky said I had blanket forgiveness, I wasn’t sure I could forgive myself. Steve pulled me back into his arms, rubbing my back. “That may be true, but he doesn’t see it that way. I didn’t know him back then, but I have known him for nearly a decade, and I can tell you Bucky doesn’t hold any sort of grudge against you. He understands why…”

“God, he shouldn’t.” I pulled away again, this time moving far enough that he wouldn’t offer me comfort. Taking several deep breaths, I shut the box, leaning against it. “He’s already told me that he doesn’t hold a grudge, but he shouldn’t be understanding. He should be angry that I threw away what we had.”

“Laurel, you don’t get to tell him how to feel. I understand why you think he should be upset, but he’s not.” Steve watched as I picked up the box and turned to head inside, shaking his head at me. “I know you’re sad about losing your mother and seeing him again is making you relive a lot of stuff you probably thought you’d gotten over years ago, but you have to stop beating yourself up for things in your past.”

Pausing at the door, I nodded. “I know and I’m trying. It’s just hard, especially since seeing him again reminds me of what I did.”

“Look, if I know Bucky - and I’m pretty sure I do - he’s already told you he’s forgiven you. You just have to forgive yourself.”

The door to the garage opened and Bucky looked at me, taking in my red eyes and then looked at Steve who must have made some gesture because he looked like he knew exactly what had happened. Taking the box from me, he carried it inside. “Where do you want this?”

“Bedroom is fine.”

I followed him up the stairs and into my childhood bedroom. After he set it down, he kept his back to me, shoulders tight. “I’m sorry,” he muttered.

“Why?”

“Pretty sure I’ve made you cry more in the past few days than you have in years.”

I couldn’t help it, I started laughing, bending at the waist as I put my hands on my knees. When he turned to me, a serious expression in his eyes, I forced myself to sober up. Waving a hand at my face, I admitted, “This isn’t your fault.” When his eyebrow shot up, I sighed. “Not completely, anyway. I’m just… I still feel so awful about everything. I know, I know, you said blanket forgiveness for everything. But Bucky, I was such a bitch.”

Sitting on the edge of my bed, he patted the space next to him, glaring lightly until I joined him. “First of all, you weren’t a bitch.” He grabbed my hand and quickly added, “No arguing.” As his thumb rubbed across my palm, he exhaled audibly. “Listen, was I hurt when you broke up with me? Yes, I was. But I’ve had seventeen years to think about it, seventeen years to realize what you must have been going through. You were so young, and while I would have loved to have those years back and share them with you, I wasn’t miserable. I did miss you, especially in the beginning, but I need you to believe me when I say that I’m not upset. Please, sweetheart, you need to stop being so upset with yourself.”

Taking a deep shuddering breath, I stared down at our intertwined fingers. I was silent for a minute, just taking in everything he said. Finally, I muttered, “I’ll try.”

“Good.” He pressed a kiss to my hair then stood. “I was planning on coming back this week after work to help you get more done around the house. That is if you want me to.”

“That would be nice.” I forced myself to stand and gave him a hug, burying my face in his chest. As he held me, I let myself relax and just enjoy being with him. We stood like that for a few minutes before I pulled away. “Thanks for all your guys' help today. And for being so… so nice to me.”

“Laurel, sweetheart,” he cupped my cheek with his flesh hand, thumb rubbing along my cheek. “I’m here for whatever you need, any time of the day or night. Just give me a call. Or, if you don’t feel comfortable doing that, call Nat. Just promise me one thing.” When I nodded, he continued, “Don’t be angry at yourself anymore. We can’t change the past, only the future.”


	8. Repair

Tuesday was awkward, neither me nor Bucky knowing how to act around the other. We worked in silence for the first couple of hours, but slowly, things eased up becoming more natural, even though the conversation was still rough. At least I didn’t cry again.

On Wednesday, things were even easier. We studiously avoided talking about the past, more specifically, our past. Instead, he told me stories of the trouble him, Steve, and Sam got up to. Considering they were in the Middle East, fighting a war no one wanted, they had a surprising amount of fun. Most of the night we spent laughing while we moved boxes to the garage for the charity pickup on Saturday.

Thursday morning I drove an hour and a half to get enough paint for the rooms that didn’t need any other work done to them. Several of the rooms did need simple stuff, like fixing baseboards or patching holes, but there were a couple that could just be painted and be ready to go. By the time I got home from my trip, I had no energy to begin, so I got the box of things my mother had saved and carried it to the dining room, setting it down on the table. Opening it, I pulled out the photo album on top and sat down, flipping through the pages. They brought back so many memories, all of them good.

Stopping on one a few pages in, I smiled. It was one he had taken of us lying in a hotel bed, our naked bodies covered by the cheap blanket, the morning after our first time together. He was the first guy I’d ever been with, so he’d gone out of his way to make it perfect, waiting until I was more than ready. I remember at that moment knowing I loved him, that he was the one I wanted to spend my forever with.

A voice by my ear startled me, “God, we were so young.” Bucky sat down in another dining chair, pulling it close to mine. “I’m surprised you still have these.”

He didn’t sound anything other than curious, but I couldn’t help the stab of guilt that shot through me. “I didn’t save them,” I murmured. “My mother did.”

“Laurel,” he said softly.

“We should get started.” I closed the album and stood, but when Bucky just looked at me, I sighed. “I threw a lot of stuff away when we… when I broke up with you. The reminder was just too much for me.” I started putting the items back in the box, carefully setting the lid on top. Softly, I added, “I'm glad she saved them, though. They remind me of good times. What we had, not what we lost.”

“Laurel…” Standing, Bucky lifted a hand to my face, trailing the backs of his fingers over my cheek. My heart beat faster as his blue eyes stared into mine. Closing his eyes, he groaned and dropped his hand, taking a step back. “You’re right, we should get started.”

God, I wanted him to touch me again, to say my name in that deep voice of his. But instead, I led the way to my mother's bedroom, the first room I wanted to paint. After putting up tape and drop cloths we painted, the squish of the roller on the wall the only sound punctuating the silence. The better part of an hour went by and I felt him behind me and stills, stiffening more when his body pressed against my back. His metal hand caressed my bicep gently, flesh hand trailing down my skin until it covered my own that held the roller.

His voice came out husky as he said, “You should do it like this.” His hand moved mine, the roller moving along the wall.

My heart skipped a beat having him this close to me. We moved in sync, slow and steady, the paint long since gone off the roller. He wasn’t showing me how to paint, this was something else entirely. “Bucky,” I moaned softly, my breath shuddering. I wanted nothing more than to drop the roller on the floor, turn in his arms, and kiss him.

Stilling, he took a deep breath, then stepped away. His voice sounded as shaky as mine when he stated, “Careful, rolling the wrong way can hurt your back.”

There was no way I was going to believe that had been about making sure I didn’t get hurt, it was too intimate for that. But even though the words were on the tip of my tongue to say I knew he was lying, the look in his eyes stopped me. “Thanks, Bucky. I’ll make sure to do it that way from now on.”

We went back to painting, the silence even more deafening than before. I couldn’t ask him why he touched me, and he wasn’t telling. As much as I wanted to, I didn't, not sure I would like the answer.

While we were cleaning up, Bucky bent down to pick up some of the supplies and I saw him wince, the flicker of pain nearly imperceptible. I set down the paint bucket and walked over to him, laying a hand on his back. “Are you okay?”

“It's just my shoulder,” he muttered, lifting the left one in a shrug before wincing again.

“Put that stuff down.” I tried to make my voice commanding. He looked up at me, raised an eyebrow, but did as I asked. “Follow me.” I led him down the hall to my bedroom, pushing open the door and gesturing to the bed. “Sit down. Take off your shirt.”

“Laurel,” he muttered, “I'll be fine.”

Hands on my hips, I turn to look at him. “Bucky, you've been helping me for days now. Let me help you. I don't know much about prosthetics, but I do know how to give a back massage.”

“Laurel,” he muttered again, this time in exasperation.

“You know what,” I threw my hands up in the air, “fine, be in pain I don't care.” I just kept staring at him, and he muttered something under his breath and walked into the room, taking off the paint-splattered shirt he wore. When I saw that metal had replaced his entire arm including the shoulder, I almost gasped. There were scars that radiated out from it, probably from the explosion that took it in the first place. It looked like it had been so painful, all I wanted to do was cry. I couldn't believe that I had run away, leaving him to face it alone.

After he sat down on the bed, I moved behind him, feeling on the mattress. Ever so gently, I trolled my fingers over the seam between the metal and the skin. My voice came out at barely a whisper, “They attached it to you?”

“I was part of an experimental program with Stark Industries.” His right hand reached up, laying on top of the one I had placed on his shoulder. “Laurel, you don't have to do this.”

Scrambling around his left side, I sat down next to him and picked up his metal hand, interlacing my fingers with his. “James, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry you had to go through all of this alone.”

“Hey,” he murmured, “I wasn't alone. I have more friends than you can shake a stick at, they were all there for me. Please, you don't need to feel bad that you weren't there.”

“I can't help it.” Turning my face away to hide the sudden influx of tears, I added, “I feel so guilty for everything.”

“Why do you feel so guilty?”

He sounded so confused, but I couldn't really answer him. Instead, I threw one back at him. “What was that about earlier while we were painting?”

He sighed. “Honestly? I like you, Laurel. I didn't expect to like the person you'd become, Not because who you are is bad, but just because it's been so damn long. But over the last few days I've seen hints of the girl I used to know, and a lot of the woman I'd like to get to know.” Reaching up with his flesh hand, he turned my face towards him. “You're beautiful, Laurel, always have been. But that was never what I loved about you, and that's not why I like you now.”

“Bucky…”

“Sweetheart, you don't have to say anything. You asked why I touched you, so I answered. I don't expect anything from…”

The side of my mouth curved up slightly as I interrupted, “Shut up.” Leaning forward, I pressed my lips against his in a soft chaste kiss. Pulling back, I stared into his blue eyes, admitting a partial truth. “I like you too. Now, about that shoulder…”

He chuckled. “It's not really the muscles that hurt, it's more the joint. I overused it at work today, had nothing to do with painting.”

I moved behind him, putting my hands on the hard muscles surrounding the metal prosthesis. Digging my fingers in, I said, “That may be the case, but you still have knots the size of Texas. Just let me know if I hurt you.”

I must have hit one of the knots just right because he sagged forward and groaned slightly. “So, I was telling you about my arm. I'm sure you've heard of Tony Stark…”

“The billionaire?” I let out a late laugh. “Yeah, I've heard of him. I actually used to work for him.”

“You worked for Stark?”

“Remember how I said I worked at a subsidiary of his?”

“Sorry, that slipped my mind.” He groaned again, then continued. “Well, Stark came by Walter Reed and went around trying to find volunteers for his experimental prosthetic program. There was no way I was going to be able to have a normal prosthesis, there was just too much of my arm missing. He told me that if I signed up to be a part of his program, I'd have an arm that would work a thousand times better than any other I could get, and it would be free. Steve was there with me when he came by and tried to get me to think about it, but I signed up, and now I've got this.”

“I never actually met Mr. Stark, but he seems like a good guy.”

“Oh, he's a bit of an egotistical jerk,” he chuckled. “But beneath the obnoxious exterior he shows to the world, I think he has a bit of a soft spot for people. Otherwise, why would he do what he does?”

I kept working at the muscles around his shoulder, the silence that fell this time not awkward. Now that we had both gotten it out in the open that we liked one another, being together felt more natural. It wasn't the same as when we were younger, nothing would ever feel that carefree and naive again, but it was still comfortable.

After probably fifteen minutes, Bucky said, “Thanks, Laurel. I feel a lot better.” As I sat back on my heels, he turned to me, eyes sad. “Where do we go from here? You're moving away. I don't know if I can start a relationship with you just to lose you again.”

And there it was, the future question that I had hoped he wouldn't ask because I didn't have a good answer for him. My heart wanted to say that I would stay, but my head knew that if it didn't work out, staying would only hurt me more. “Can you give me a couple of days to think about it?” I knew it was a cop-out, but I just didn't have an answer. When his face fell slightly, I added, “I don't even know what I want to do with the rest of my life, I can't…” When he turned away, I tried again. “My divorce was only final a couple of weeks ago. I quit my job, Bucky. I'm thirty-four, have no home, no job... I can't just say that I'll stay when I don't even know if this - whatever this is - will last.”

“You're right," he said, standing and putting his shirt back on. Turning towards me, he had a sad smile on his face. “I'll see you tomorrow?”

“Why don't we skip tomorrow. Let your shoulder rest, because you and Steve are going to be doing a lot Saturday.”

He nodded and left, leaving me alone in the room. It took everything in me not to chase after him and wrap my arms around him. I felt exactly like I did at seventeen - scared, sad, and guilty. Scared because I had a chance with the man I never stopped loving and I was terrified that it wouldn't work; sad for putting that look in his eyes; and guilty for being the same scared little girl I was back then. But even with all that, I didn't go after him. If I was going to take a chance on us, I needed to really think about it, decide what I wanted.


	9. Forever

When the boys arrived Saturday morning to get started, things were tense between me and Bucky. Steve noticed, but thankfully didn't say anything, just took his friend into the living room to work on the baseboards and floor. I went upstairs to paint, wanting to keep as much distance between us as possible while I tried to decide what to do.

A couple of hours into the morning, a voice yelled up the stairs, “Laurel, you have a visitor.”

Putting down the paint roller, I went downstairs to see Bucky standing by the open front door. When I got to the bottom step, I stopped when I saw who it was. “Thor?” I moved over to the door. “What are you doing here?” Before he could answer, I turned and said, “Thanks, Bucky.”

He looked between us, then nodded and left. Thor chuckled. “Well, I came down to see why you hadn't cashed the check yet, and I have a small surprise for you. A straggler that convinced me to let her tag along.”

“Hey, I'm not small,” a familiar voice exclaimed. Shuri poked her head into the door frame from her hiding place next to it and grinned from ear to ear. “I quit my job! Decided I'd rather work for you when you finally open your own business.”

I let out a soft grunt when her body collided with mine, holding her tight against me. “I missed you, kid.” Pulling back, I gave her a huge smile. “Damn, it's good to see you. We'll talk about the job and stuff later, but do you mind letting Thor and me talk for a little bit? Maybe go to the living room and see if Steve and Bucky could use some help?”

She pulled me into another quick hug. “Okay.”

After she flounced off, I headed toward the kitchen. “I think we still have some coffee left if you want a cup.”

Thor padded in after me, his Australian voice sounding amused. “So, that was Bucky?” He took the coffee I offered and leaned against the counter. “I can see why you fell in love with him when you were younger.”

“I…” Looking away, I sighed. I definitely regretted telling him about Bucky when we were first getting together, but back then I didn't hide things as well. Plus, he'd noticed I would get sad from time to time and asked me about it.

“It's okay, Laurel, I know you never stopped loving him. I always knew I wasn't first in your heart, but I knew you loved me so I didn't care.”

“I'm sorry,” I murmured.

“Don't be sorry.” He set down the mug and pulled me into his arms. “I got you for ten years. We had our good times, I don't regret anything.” Tilting my face up, he smiled. “Now, when are you planning on telling him?”

Stepping away, I swiped a hand over my face and let out a heavy sigh. “I don't know what to do. I was planning on selling the house, figuring out where I want to go... Seeing him again wasn't part of the plan.”

“Do you still love him?”

He didn't sound upset, only curious, so I answered truthfully. “Seeing him again brought back all those old feelings. So yes, I love him. But I don't know what to do about it.”

“Simple, tell him.” My eyes widened and he laughed. “Sweetheart, with the way he looked when you said my name, he definitely has feelings for you too.” Pulling me back into his arms, he rubbed my back. “Life is too short to hide your feelings. Just tell him. The worst thing that happens that he doesn't feel the same, but at least then you'll know. It's better to know than to wonder for the rest of your life.”

Relaxing into his embrace, I sighed again. “I miss you, Thor. I miss us.”

“Me too, sweetheart.”

There was a noise, so I looked over at the kitchen entrance but didn't see anyone. Removing myself from his hug, I sat down at the kitchen table. Once he joined me, I asked, “So, why is Shuri here?”

“She's actually the one who convinced me to harass you about the check. I asked her if she talked to you, if she knew anything about it, and that's when she told me she was quitting and that I needed to come talk to you.” He took a sip of the coffee, eyes twinkling. “Then she proceeded to yammer at me until I agreed to bring her, and her luggage, here to you. She's hoping you'll let her stay, otherwise, she has to go back to Africa with her brother. Her words, not mine.”

Shaking my head, I let out a low laugh. “If she goes back to Africa, it's because she wants to, not because she has to.” Standing I let out an exaggerated sigh. “I guess I should tell her she can stay.”

“That will make her year, I'm sure. And the check?”

This time I let out a real sigh. “I'll take it to the bank on Monday.” He stood and I cupped his face, bringing it down so I could press a soft goodbye kiss to his lips. “I'll always love you, Thor.”

“Me too, Laurel.” He pressed his lips against mine again, then turned and started walking to the front door. “I'll get Shuri’s bags while you tell her the good news. Then I have to get going, it's a long drive home.”

While he went out to the car, I went into the living room to talk to Shuri. But I was surprised to only see two people in the room. “Where's Bucky?”

Shuri looked at Steve, then at me. “He went to get some water from the kitchen, came back with an angry look on his face, said he had something he needed to do, and took off.” My mouth opened and she held up a hand. “Before you ask, he left ten minutes ago.”

“He probably went home,” Steve interjected softly. “I can't think of anything else he needs to do today. He made sure to have the entire weekend free to help you.”

That's when I remembered the noise by the kitchen and realized that he must have been him. I didn't know how much he overheard, but apparently he didn't like whatever it was. “I'll be back.” I went outside surprising Thor on the porch. “Thanks for coming out, I'll talk to you later.” As I took off down the street I heard him ask where I was going.

The walk only took a few minutes, anger and worry quickening my pace. It seemed like no time had passed and I was in front of the house, ringing the doorbell. I wanted to pound on it and yell, but I wasn't sure if Bella was asleep.

The door opened and Natasha looked at me, eyes wide in shock. “Laurel! What are you doing here?”

“Is Bucky here?” I didn't bother with pleasantries, just asked what I came to find out.

“He got home a little bit ago, saying he forgot something then went downstairs in a huff. What's going on?”

“Can I come in?”

She backed up and gestured me in. “Go ahead, I know you're not here to see me.”

Walking through the house, I opened the door to the basement and headed down the stairs. I could hear shuffling about, so I knew he was there. Honestly, that made me feel relieved, knowing that he was still somewhere I could reach him. But when I opened the door to his bedroom and saw him packing a bag on his bed, I choked back an angry sob. Taking a deep breath, I asked angrily, “What the hell, James?”

His back stiffened and he ran a hand through his hair. Turning around, his face was emotionless as was his voice. “You should go back home. I'm sure Thor is wondering what happened to you.”

Stalking over to him, I shoved him as hard as I could. “You stupid” - shove - “stupid man.” I shoved him one more time and his legs hit the back of the bed, forcing him to sit on the mattress or fall on it. Hands on my hips, I glared down at him, my anger the only thing keeping me from crying. “So you overheard something in the kitchen and decided to run? Really? You're running?”

“I have to go out of town on a job,” he deadpanned.

“Oh,” I growled. “Don't even try that with me. Steve already told me that there was no reason for you to leave, that you cleared your weekend to help me out.” Even though I still couldn't tell what he was thinking, some of my anger dissipated and all I wanted to do was cry. “I don't know what you overheard, but it very obviously wasn't everything.”

“I heard enough.”

“Oh? What precisely did you hear?”

“Enough.”

That one word brought the anger back, and I had to ball my hands into fists so I didn't shove him again. “Oh, really? So you heard Thor asked me if I was still in love with you? You heard me tell him that seeing you again brought back all those old feelings and that yes, I still loved you? Is that what you heard? Is that why you're running?” Throwing my hands up, I signed in exasperation. “I don't know what the fuck it was you heard, but you know what, if you can't even stay and talk to me about it, then what point is there in trying to make this work between us?”

Turning I started walking back to the door, intent on going home and never talking to him again if I could help it. A hand clasped around my bicep, stopping me and my tracks. “You love me?” he asked softly.

“What does it even matter?” I choked back another sob, trying to not break down in his presence. “I obviously fucked everything up back when we were younger, you can't even trust me enough to ask me about what you overheard. Instead, you decided to run away.”

Groaning, he dropped his hand from my arm and replied softly, “I'm sorry, Laurel. I didn't mean to run. It's just... I heard you tell him that you missed him, that you missed what you guys were, and I thought I had lost you again.”

“Why do you care?” My voice broke as a tear rolled down my cheek, but I didn't dare look at him, knowing that if I did I would start crying in earnest.

“Because I love you, Laurel Marie Wright. I've loved you since you were fourteen. I never stopped loving you, not when you broke up with me, not when I never heard back from you with all those letters, not even during my short marriage. It was always you.”

Turning to face him, I saw tears rolling down his cheeks and I stepped closer, wrapping my arms around his torso. When I started crying, his arms wrapped around me as well and we stood there for several minutes holding each other. As I finally felt a little calmer, I pulled back slightly and laughed. “Well, seems like everyone was right.”

Bucky lifted his flesh and wiped up the tears that stained my cheeks. “Who was right about what?”

“Well, all of your friends for one. And... Thor. They all seemed to be able to tell that you had feelings for me, even though I really couldn't tell.”

“You couldn't tell?”

“I think it was more that I didn't dare hope that they were right.” Releasing my arms from around his waist, I moved them around his neck instead of my toes so I could press a soft kiss to his lips. “I was scared to believe what I was seeing because if I was wrong, I would lose you all over again. And Bucky, I don’t think I can live with losing you again.”

“Sweetheart, you will never lose me, not again.”

\----------

2021 

Holding hands, Bucky and I walked from our house, down Main Street. Every day he made sure to walk with me, not that I needed him to, but even after a year we couldn’t get enough of one another. He’d been the one to make sure I didn’t lie to Thor, cashing the check, then helping me figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up. With the help of Shuri, we created a small business helping larger companies with their coding projects. At first, it had been hard to get them to use us, but once Mr. Stark found out what I was doing, he’d supported us fully. Once the programming world found out that Stark used us, we were so busy that we had to turn away business. We could have hired more people, but Shuri and I didn’t want the company to be huge, just successful.

Once we were at the door, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me thoroughly. “Have a good day at work, sweetheart.”

“God, Bucky,” I groaned. “You gotta stop doing that to me before I go to work. All I want to do is go home and back to bed, with you between my thighs.”

“Later, sweetheart,” he chuckled, pulling me against him and kissing me again.

When he turned and walked away, I watched him for a minute, trying to calm down. Lord, the things that man did to me. After he was gone, I went into the office and smiled at my ex-administrative assistant. “Good morning, Shuri.”

“Mornin’, boss lady.” She held up a notepad with a long list written down. “I’ve been working on our to-do list, got through item number one before you got in.”

As I headed to my list, I laughed. “Do you ever sleep, kid?”

“Nope.” Her grin widened. “You pay me too much to sleep.”

My laughter grew as I took a seat at my desk, stopping when I saw an envelope with my name written in Bucky’s tight print. Sliding a finger under the seal, I opened it and pulled out a letter.

_Laurel,_

_For years I wondered what life would be like if I saw you again, what I would say to you. When you walked into Steve’s backyard a year ago, I was struck speechless. Heart pounding, I watched as you walked in, unable to believe the girl I’d known was so close to me. When you cried and kept apologizing, my heart broke. All I wanted to do was tell you that I never stopped loving you and that I didn’t hold any anger toward you._

_We were so young back then, our future so bright and full of promise. Seventeen years is a long time to go without talking to your soulmate. Over the years, I contemplated looking you up, seeing if you still felt the same as I did. But when I moved home and ran into Marilyn, I found out about Thor and was relieved I didn’t. Even though I was jealous, I was glad that you found your happiness and moved on._

_The day you chased after me, angry as all get out, is the best day of my life. You were so mad that you admitted you loved me and always had. Even though I almost lost you again, I was happier than I had been in years._

_The ring you wear on your right hand, the one I tried to give you before I went to basic, it still symbolizes my promise to you. I will love you forever, Laurel, no matter the obstacle. You are my happily ever after. For now and forever._

_Always Yours,_

_Bucky_

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I held the paper in my hands, fingers clenching crinkles into it. Shuri’s voice said softly, “He said that after you read it to head to the shop.”

“He did?” I whispered.

“Yeah.” A hand touched my shoulder and she squeezed lightly. “That man really loves you, Laurel.”

“I know, I love him too.” Standing, I set the letter down on the desk and wiped my cheeks, trying to hide the evidence of my tears. “Will you be okay for a little while?”

“Take the day, boss lady. I got this.” She plopped back down into her chair, puttering her neon green headphones on. “I’m just gonna listen to some music and whittle this list down.”

Nodding, I walked out of the office and past Not Your Mama’s Attic, my feet seeming to float over the ground. Cap’s wasn’t that far from our office, so I got there quickly, especially since my brain felt like it was dazed. Pushing open the front door I saw Bucky leaning against a shiny black motorcycle, a single red rose in his hand, alone in the shop. When I stopped, he pushed off the bike and strutted forward, a smile on his face.

Handing me the rose, he cupped my face with his hands and drew my mouth towards his kissing me with every ounce of feeling he could. After a minute, he pulled back and reached into his pocket, pulling something out. As he sank down onto one knee and took my left hand in his, my eyes welled up with tears. “Laurel, since you’ve been back into my life, I can honestly say I’ve never been happier. You are, and have always been, the woman I want to grow old with. I want the same things with you that I wanted at nineteen - the white picket fence, two point five kids, PTA meetings… but most of all, I just want you.” Sliding the diamond ring onto my finger, he kept talking, even though his voice grew shaky. “Laurel Marie Wright, I love you so fucking much. Will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?”

Pulling him up off the ground, I fell against his chest, tears streaming down my face. My arms went around his chest and I couldn’t speak, but I tried to nod to let him know that I would. His hand ran down my hair and back, over and over, murmuring sweet nothings in my ear. After a few minutes, I lifted my head, and even though my voice was rough, I said the one word that mattered, “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this little story, I really enjoyed writing it :)


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